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Friday, August 1, 2008

been meaning to post about this../brenda's tool box question

ahhhh the little victories when living with a RAD dude... so sweet.
a few weeks ago Jackson asked if he could sleep over Dominik's house. Dom is a black guy, same age as jack, recently moved here from the city next to us. (and the kid HATES it here, from what Jack says. too "tame" for him)he has played over there 5 times, and then wanted to sleep over. Dom lives with mom, step dad and baby brother a bit older than shawn, in a condo nearby.
anyway, when jackson got home he was quiet, but he often is when returning from a playdate, because he's always wanting to "trade up" for better parents and when he plays at other houses, the parents are always "better" than us@@
a few days later, out of the clear blue sky, he announces from the WAY back seat of the SUV, "mom, i won't be sleeping over Dominik's anymore."
i respond, nonchalantly, "oh? why not?" ( i was afraid they booted him for life for wetting the bed, which i am sure he did. i warned them!) he said,(in his still thick creole accent with not-so-great-english... a control issue with him, we have decided.)
"the Mama & the Dad fighted the whole time. I think the Mama was scared of the Dad. The Dad throw stuff. Nobody talk to Dominik except to tell him to take out the trash, do the dishes, get the baby, do this. do that. all the time i was there. the Dad don't talk to me at all. he is scary and mean. i think he not wanted me to come over to their house.
woooaaaahhhhhhhh! i had NO idea!
"wow. really? was it weird seeing a mom & dad argue?"
"yah. the mama was crying. the baby kept waking up crying at night. the dad tell the mama,"go get Julian" and swear at her. so she did."
i was blown away that they woudn't try to stay in check when the kid had a friend over! WTH???
"was dominik upset?"
"no. he used to it, i bet right?"
"yah, maybe. what do you think about that?"
" nothing."
"well, what if he invited you over again?"
"i will say i can't go. can i tell him you said no?"
"yes. that's fine. that way his feelings won't be hurt."
"yah. hey mom?"
"maybe black parents are mean. i don't want a black family anymore."
"well, i really don't think it's a color thing, jacky. maybe the mom & dad just aren't happy together or were having a bad day that day. maybe they just needed extra help from Dom that night. maybe black families are more strict about chores and grades than we are, but the mean thing is just.. them. maybe if you went over again, things would be fine. ya know?"
(long, long pause) "no thanks"
LOLOLOLOL funny that it took that experience for him to finally decide that "white is alright" LOL
note to self. give out a few more chores LOL
as far as Brenda's tool box question- one thing that has ALWAYS worked well with us? we approach discussions with jack in the car while driving. he's in the back, he doesn't have to make ANY eye contact at all, and really opens up! these guys HATE having to look at you and you can get lots of juicy info at half price! well.. for FREE! try it!


Fawn said...

You are spot-on with the car-versations. Our kids will tell us anything and everything, even better, they will ask us anything if they are sitting in the way-back of the van.

Don't you just want to grab that little boy and save him? Of course you do, that's what you do!

You can totally add me, I'm addin' you.

Erin said...

Oh man. Wow.... pretty powerful stuff he is learning. That stinks his sleep over was crud though.

Justju said...

Wow, way to go for Jack opening up to you like that. Shame on the family for acting as such in front of him, though. But maybe it'd of been worse had he not been there. I feel sorry for Dom to have to live in that environment, though. I'm glad you found a "safe place" for Jack to open up to you.

Brenda said...

I'm so glad he shared that with you before things got worse. Can I add your paragraph about lying to my blog and linke it back to you?