sorry!

i cant believe its been 11 days since i posted. Life has been busy and full of teen drama at times. I am running & biking every day now, I am down 32 lbs. as of thismorning. Another reason for my absense is that I just dont have much new stuff to blog about. i feel like its all redundant repeats. And Haiti? EVERYONE is blogging about the situation there. Anything I would write would feel plagoristic, pathetic, and big time debbie downer. i have so much i WANT to say, but I'm way too worried about other's opinions. My opinion may difffer from most. All the kids are fine, Doug is still on self destruct mode, but he has to run his own life, I cant involve myself anymore. he is resistant to any help or advice. Kris is having a blast in Costa Rica, check out her blog, to the right. I guess I'm just really taking some time for me now, getting away from the computer, getting off my rear end and getting myself together. lots of little things have happened, we had a retirement party for my Dad, my niece jennifer just moved in with us, appliances breaking left & right...lots of little things. right now i have a terrible sinus infection and am battling that through all my workouts UGH. i keep thinking im getting better, then i have a bad day again.
see? not much to say. i will try to keep up better this week! oh!-im also having major computer problems with 2 different laptops, which has also kept me from blogging. hoping to have the one computer fixed this week, he already fixed it, we went to pick it up, but it still doesnt work@@ so.. that too. have i mentioned our bad luck with pets & appliances?(the pets are ok, for now) i will post pics from dad's party as soon as the other laptop is fixed-i stupidly loaded them all into that one DUH.
hope you are all doing well. i am on facebook-alison l maker crawford. look me up!

the arctic

yah, it's damn cold. 12* today OY. I'm supposed to be painting, remember? But then I realized the ceiling needed work first, so Yogi is over there preparing it today, i will start painting Monday and will likely be there all week. The weekend is too full with Jackson's all star basketball tournament and stuff...they won their first game last night 62 to 28! He looked amazing out there, scored 16 points.
Kris booked my tickets! I'm flying out of Boston at 630am(which means get up at like... 2!) on march 29th, come home the 1st of April-so 3 nights 4 days or so...It's HOT there, so that should be long enough. I'm excited!
Doug asked if he could move back in here until he leaves for whatever he's leaving for. i said ok. But I haven't heard from him in 2 days since, so I have no idea what is going on.
Bought some outdoor winter running clothes last night, let's see if I can get my nerve up to start getting used to the outdoor thing when it warms up on Wednesday... maybe. I bought a few things for indoors too- everything was too big! Yogi went shopping with me, just to be sweet. It was 8:30 pm by the time I decided I was motivated and felt like going and it was snowing lightly. we stopped in to TGIF for salads afterwards, so it turned into an actual date! I'm so lucky, he's got skeellz! How I landed such a hot, sweet, guy all those years ago, I have no idea. Maybe I'm the one with the skeellz! Anyway, I want to run a 10k in Detroit with a friend in May, so I have to get ready. I'm not so sure i can go from 4 miles to like......7 in that amount of time! I progress very very slowly. I am FAT, after all. We shall see.
It's cold in my kitchen. I hate that.
OK, I need to make like I work here... and, NO. I haven't taken any pictures lately.. not sure why. Winter is ugly to me, most days. I just don't see the beauty in it, for the most part. eh. I will take kid pictures soon though.

I SEE YOU

Think i don't see you? I know you're looking over here, eyes passing up & down the row, sizing the 8 of us up, trying to figure out who will tire out first and exit so that you can jump on next. You, with your firm legs and perky little breasts. You, with your single chin and tight, dimple-less booty. Yah, I see you, snickering with your friend, scheming on how you can score side by side treadmills so you can chat & trade I Tunes while you run. I know you've got your sights set on me & the old, wrinkly, knobby kneed man next to me. Little do you know, he's here every night. He runs 8 miles. Move on, little girls, move on. What's that? We've lasted too long, the old guy and me? Are we holding you up? Ah, I'm happy to see you've decided to abandon your staring contest and settle for treadmills 3 apart from each other. That's excellent, Dear. Good for you. Good choice. Oh... wait......you two are finished already? Tired out? I see......See you another day, Perkies. Better luck next time.

thoughts

I miss Kristin. shes been gone.. let's see...3 weeks now. I think I miss her more than usual because of what my head has been going through lately. She knows me better than anyone. She doesn't have phone or internet access, so we aren't in touch as much. I wish I could talk to her for a few minutes. She's having a blast and is BURNED to a crisp, at least on her face, from what I can see. The pictures from this past weekend are gorgeous. She and her friends went to another area of the island and dang, it is beautiful. She has only put them on Facebook so far, but I'm hoping she'll put them on her blog. You won't believe these pictures! They look like advertisement posters hung in a travel agent's office! I'd like to frame a few! I'm hoping to get my new zoom lens before I go visit her in late March for her spring break/Birthday. She'll be 21! I hope to get some great photos too. Her host family wants me to stay with them instead of at a hotel, but.. it may be way too hot for me. After a hot day, I like to escape to an air conditioned bedroom. Even Haiti had that.(well, most nights, anyway.) But, i might as well try it, and move to a hotel if i can't handle the heat. I tend to throw up LOL.

Painting job coming up on Friday, i think. Living, dining, kitchen and hallway. I'm ready! I need something to do besides care for the kids, clean, run errands and run on the treadmill. I work from home, but those hours have dwindled lately! I need to get away from CNN & the web. Even at the Y, the news is always on and I need a break from it.

Doug's life has improved since my last post. He isn't being deployed to *band camp until September 11th. He cannot find work. 8 more months is a long time to just BE. He is headed for a downword spiral. Well.....my cousin Tom is an Army recruiter, stationed in AZ. He had told me a year ago that Doug decided he wanted to be in the active Army, instead of The Guard, to say the word; he'd get him switched over and stationed somewhere in about 2 months. At that time Doug was fine and wasn't interested. That's all changed now and he and my cousin had a conversation. Lots of paperwork, a flight to AZ and some more training, in a new MOS(not his choice), will happen soon and he will be, God willing, stationed somewhere by June. He wants to go infantry now anyway. Mechanics are deployed to *a boring place and infantry guys go to *a happenin' place. This will get him out of the toxic environment he's living in, benefits, full time work, structure.... all of which Doug needs so desperately. He does so well when he's on active duty! We are excited for him. this post was much longer, but BLOGGER had a glitch and i had to re type EVERYTHING, so you are now getting a condensed version. You're welcome!

I'm still running every day, but not losing much weight, if at all. Like Corey(from Watching The Waters blog) said, Running doesn't really charge weight loss, but it re distributes your weight, which it is. I may just pitch the scale out the nearest window.

i better go, Shawn is being very ugly!

*WAR

recent happenings/developments

* Courtney, after spending a $215.00 (final)paycheck in under 48 hours, yet neglecting to hand Yogi a single cent of what she owed him for constantly putting money in her account-to prevent overdraft charges-then flipping out when i had the nerve to bring it up, moved back to Maine 2 weeks ago. The first week she was gone was the quietest week I've experienced in years. Kris had left for Costa Rica, Doug is on his own, Courtney was gone...BLISS. the second week was filled with Doug Drama, then the earthquake hit Haiti..so, not so much. Glad I enjoyed the first week.
* I am now running over 20 miles a week, as of yesterday's totals. Not losing much weight anymore, but that's expected-although not welcomed. I feel great! no nagging pains, no injuries... I love Celebrex! Wish I was taking it in 02/03, the last time i ran every day. i was way lighter than I am now, but always had nagging, serious pain. weird. I LOVE my YMCA membership. The treadmills give you more info and have way more shock absorption. I want to try the kick boxing classes, but i'm too chicken right now.
* Neuro mailed us a letter, telling us when Jackson's sleep study was scheduled. Wasn't that kind of them? First of all, NO THANKS. Secondly, On April 15th we won't have health insurance anymore so... forget it. As of March 1st- no insurance. We are looking into obtaining private for the rest of us, but those companies won't touch Jackson with a 10 foot stick so... no sleep study. No reason for it anyway! I called and left a message on the secretary's voice mail that we "are not interested at this time". She didn't call back LOL.
* Speaking of Jackson, he is doing very well, still. At school, here, everywhere. Right now he's really trying to irritate me by taking out the nerf shooter that the baby has fits over & won't share and can't operate without needing help and getting frustrated..., but I'm ignoring that. I haven't blogged in forever! Now Shawn is freaking out. NICE. He took the gun out JUST to piss me off, too happy of a morning i guess. Needed some chaos. That's fine.
* In the last week Doug has:
1.Hit a snowbank while driving his sports car around during a snow storm to search for his room mate, who had had a fight with his girlfriend, eaten a bottle of Ritalin, jumped out a window and taken off into the woods. broke a tail light. knocked the spoiler off.
2.slid through a stop sign and hit a highschool classmate's car, while driving around in a snowstorm, after leaving here in a fit of rage because he was mad at one of his room mates, was screaming and swearing in our home, could/would not calm down when asked, took his fit to the driveway, was asked to calm himself again, could/would not, so was asked to leave our property. He blames the class mate. he blames the room mate. yup. broke a headlight-i think.
3. was pulled over and handed a 200$ speeding ticket for driving 60mph in a 30mph zone, while on his way here to meet his friends. Including the room mate. UGH.
4. was pulled over and handed a ticket for not having his car inspected. He cannot afford to get it inspected, and it will not pass, due to a broken tail light & head light, due to hitting the snow bank, and then hitting Mary Windgate's Volvo.(see above if you're confused LOL)
TIME FOR AN INTERVENTION! but hey, at least he didn't chug a bottle of Ritalin, jump out a window, break a mirror on the wall over some chick's head and be arrested for criminal mischief, have an arraignment, be banned from his own apartment until April, pay a $2500.00 retainer fee to an attorney or have a restraining order filed on him...right? Oh- and he hasn't impregnated anybody either! he leaves ALLLLL that stuff to his room mates LOL. We spoke at length yesterday, my cousin is an Army recruiter for the full time active Army(Doug is National Guard) and he thinks he can have Doug moved and deployed in 2 months time. Since he cannot find a job, he might as well go full time and get his life going. I hope this works! Being here, hanging out, driving around and not working is just going to get him into trouble.
* Many well meaning people are sending me e mail like this: "hey, can you tell me how to adopt a Haitian? we don't have any money, but we'll take one." I know they all mean well and their hearts are in the right place, but, like another blogger so eloquently said, "this is NOT a Pet Smart parking lot Adopt-A-Thon!" If you have sent me legit e mail, or if you e mailed me about the whole TEMPORARY hosting thing, I'm not talking about you and will keep you posted, but I have also gotten some CRAZY notes. People think I can help them, "hook them up" with a kid, just because we have adopted from there in the past. NO CAN DO. International adoption was tough BEFORE the earthquake. It took me SEVEN MONTHS to compile our dossier and mail it to Haiti. Adoptions in Haiti have gone from taking 6-9 months to 2-3 years. steps have been indiscriminately(in my opinion) added by the Haitian Govt. When adoptions begin again, and it will likely be a while, we are HOPEFUL that the entire process will be examined, streamlined, pointless steps will be removed from the process, more people will be put on the job of getting the adoptions completed, and the entire process will be expedited.. but TIH(This Is Haiti), and This will all take time, effort and know how. Until then, i DO still hold out hope that they let some kids come here to be taken care of, but you cannot just pack planes full of kids and drop them off somewhere. This invites corruption, trafficking... BAD THINGS. It all has to be done right. We will all have to be patient. We are hoping to take in an HIV infected toddler boy who is living at GLA(Dixie's program) to get him on treatment & get him healthy, whether it will be temporary or permanent, but we have no idea whether she will choose us anyway. It's all just conjecture at this point. We are open to it, but who knows?
* Kris is having a blast in CR. her blog is on my list to your right if you want to check in on her("Dude! we're in Costa Rica!")
* Kendyl earned a glowing report card and had a fun Birthday party at the glow bowling place. Can you believe she's FIVE???? me neither!
* I still have a cold and I am so tired of it! i think my current nasal spray addiction makes it worse lol
* I better go, the Craze-O-Meter is climbing and I have to pee!
hugs to you all. PLEASE send 10$ to haiti charity of your choice!

the earthquake

i want to blog about it. i want to get my feelings out, i really do. i just dont know what to write, what to say. it is hard, very hard. the time just goes by and i have no idea wht the hell im doing. i just float through the day, gather news, absorb what i can, dream like crazy all night. its still not even real to me, hasnt sunk in. we will open our home to 2/3 more, if the rumors we hear are true- thousands of refugee children being flown to the states(and elsewhere) to be taken in by host families. simple backround checks with fingerprints may be all thats needed to apply. i will keep you posted, incase you are interested-IF it all comes to fruition. it is so much worse than you are seeing on the news. SO MUCH WORSE. please GIVE, give until it hurts. orphanages with No food, No water, No baby formula. it will get even worse before it gets better. my son's homeland, a place we all love, in ruins. people we miss and care so much about, MISSING, feared dead, confirmed dead, possibly hungry, thirsty and afraid....i get on the treadmill and just run and run and run to help with my feelings, the weight is falling off quickly now(25lbs). kendyl had her Birthday party today, she will turn 5 tomorrow, i went through the motions. i love my kids. haitians love their kids. the whole thing is so unbelievable. GIVE. please. ali

Neurologist shmologist..... or something.

I've been meaning to blog about that Neuro appoinment that i mentioned, but I've been too busy.. um.. LOSING 20 LBS IN 6 WEEKS, BABY!!!!! ok.. now that I got that out, the neuro visit was interesting.
ok.. so back in late 03/early 04, every time we took jack to his PID, the guy was always asking us questions like,
"is he always this busy?"
"is he always this active?"
"does he EVER stop?"
we were actually pretty ok with his activity level. Dr. P talked us into medicating him in the first place, but this year, he suddenly became *uncomfortable* with prescribing it. he wanted us to have a *quick visit* with neuro, just to make sure he was on the right medication, right dosage. a *one time visit*. i knew damn well that's not how it would end up, but... we set it up anyway.
So....
firstof all, the apt. was set up for 10am, he didnt even get in a room until 10:40. then, the doctor had no idea who they were, why they were there or even who had referred them. he had no chart, the computer wasnt booted up, even though they open at 8:30am, that took a solid HOUR... the list just goes on and on. complete(what rhymes with) Bluster Cluck. yet, i digress. we might as well live in haiti at this point. so..the guy agrees with the diagnosis, meds and dosage. great.
BUT... he wants to:
examine his brain
do a sleep study
see him monthly
get him set up with a shrink
put him in a study
yadda
yadda
yadda
yadda
I knew it. he says he wants to help him *be a better kid*. great! supercalifragilistic! BUT YOU ARE AN HOUR & A HALF DRIVE! and we already come here all the time.
he also prescribed him a drug for his bed wetting, a drug Dr P. says messes with his HIV meds. maybe the protcol change we made this fall makes this drug ok.. i have no idea. he started it 3 days ago and hasnt wet the bed once, and also isnt getting up 6 times a night to pee, which reduces his stalking options. he also has a better attitude since his sleep hours increased.. um.......where has this magic shit been for the last 6 years of our lives? as far as the rest of the stuff he wants to do, the doctor didnt bother to set up another appointment when Yogi left, so no idea when we will see him again. don't misunderstand, i thought we should be seeing a neuro 6 years ago, its not that im not grateful for the fantastic care, i promise. its just.. sometimes i feel like "too little, too late, folks!" but.. i will try to keep an open mind and wont be a bitch. thats all i can promise. a no bitch guarantee. take it or leave it LOL
hes having an absolutely wonderful week. i adore him right now. did i just say that out loud????