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Monday, March 28, 2011


this week's installment of Same Ol' Shit Sunday!

too busy to talk about cheese!

LATE UPDATE: Wall-E has been found! Konor found him in Kristin's closet the morning after this post was written PHEW! He's safe in his cage :)

No, I don't ever talk about cheese, I just wanted to get your attention. HA! Sorry, I've been absent all week but crap on a cracker, life is busy! And Chaotic. ShawnAlan has pneumonia, Doug & Jenny both got FULL TIME JOBS(one all day, the other, all night), Konor has an interview where jenny was hired, and our hamster, Wall-E, is missing. Yup, you heard it here first, folks. my Wolly Pog is GONE. He escaped from his house of horrors cage 2 nights ago and hasn't returned. I am beyond devastated, but I haven't given up yet. Our friend Jesse, from Critter Control is gonna help us find him before he dies of dehydration or TheDogYankedMyHeadOff disease. We still have hope.

I will update later on this week.

What else? oh- just yesterday we bought a black, 2000 VW Jetta for ALL the oldest kids to share. I forget how many of them there are... 4 or 5 older kids i think. Hoping they don't kill each other. I wish I had a cool "you're gonna shit when you hear this!" story to go along with this announcement, but, so far, I don't. But....give me a few days! you KNOW the shit's gonna hit the fan any minute, right? I know!

Konor doesn't believe me when I tell him I will totally write a funny song about Levi getting his balls professionally lobbed off next week, and put it on here for the entire free world to read- but YOU believe me, don't you? Remember The Pot Song? about my niece smokin' too much reefer? i will write about pretty much anything that's on my mind.

i bettuh go, i was up too late last night watching The Fighter with Yogi. It was good but i have to ask.. WHAT ACCENT??????????????? HA! and I am SO HUNGRY!!!!! I should go hunt for Wall-e too, while he's likely awake and looking for snacks. And I need to ice the sore shoulder i wrecked in the weight room yesterday(UGH)

love all 7 of you!!!! ps. YOGI SNORES REALLY LOUD -Al

Monday, March 21, 2011

things are heating up...

with my RAD son, that is. he didn't show up to serve either of the 2 detentions, so now he has 2 more, with the principal. Kendyl was thrown off a bed a week ago. Then Shawn Alan was pitched off a bed. he hurts them, then quickly sits in a chair across the room and says ARE YOU OK????????????? never anything serious, but just enjoys making them cry, so that chaos will ensue. they tell me everything. he gets so pissed when I dont flip out. He's doing this to "get me back" for taking away his cell phone. So... now he cannot be allowed in my bedroom-since he likes to throw toddlers off my high boy bed- and he cannot be left alone in any room that the 3&6 year old are in, without an adult. He now has no TV(got rid of the only TV in the main part of the house back in june), he has no computer access-cannot be trusted due to his porn addiction and stalking people on facebook- an account we knew nothing about. a kid at school set it all up and when he was caught, and the account was deleted, the kid just went home and set it up a second time. i called the school. kid was punished, but I'm sure Jack has another FB account under an assumed name (lisa marie duclos? john spam headwink?)by now. what the hell can I do about it?- no cell phone, no I Pod(more porn issues) no other media access( and, as of 10 minutes ago-no stereo. i took it since he didn't bother to serve his detentions. I can tell he's really heating up, since he's not getting his way, and he could get very violent, very soon. I'm ready. bring it.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Same Ol Sh*t Sunday

On Sundays I plan to re-post some of my very favorite blog entries from the past. It's fun -for me anyway-to look back and read what was going on in my life. Here's your first one!
Thursday, June 26, 2008ninnies, ninnies, ninnies!!!!

brain dump

Between Courtney's baby shower and basketball tournament games all day, I missed my chance to run at the Y before they closed. I don't often run outdoors because I'm a major pussy because it's harder on my very old bones, but tonight, I just felt like it for some reason. guilt? addiction? Whatever the reason, and why over-think it anyway?-It was the best run I've had in months. It's funny-when you run in high temperatures, it seems so easy at first, then you want to DIE within 7 minutes. In colder temperatures, it's terrible at first, but then you warm up and it feels amazing! You also don't get so thirsty. I only ran 3 miles, since that's what I told everyone here I was doing and they'd panic if I didn't return on time, but I felt like I could run forever-which NEVER.EVER.HAPPENS. There were so many stars and the moon was so huge and low, it was like I could reach out and grab it. think "Dispicable Me"! Most houses I passed had motion sensing lights that flashed on as I ran by. I kept thinking about how much I hope I never feel like we need those. We have them, but only because the prior owners installed them. I don't want to need them. sorry for the random thought. Anyway, I had my blinking lights on for safety, my favorite music in my ears(Keane) and my scattered, racing thoughts. I tried not to think about the mess back at the house, the fact that I over ate today at the shower and then ate the take-out Yogi ordered, the TWO detentions Jackson earned at school this past week for "wandering the building" or the fact that the scale won't budge. Maybe that third flight out the 3rd story window busted it for good, huh? It couldn't possibly be the take-out LOL. I also tried not to think about the list of my missing items, such as my brand new pair of jeans, hooded running jacket, the engagement ring Yogi surprised me with in 1993(it fits me again!), 2 pair of weight lifting shoes and my prescription exzema medication. I am the QUEEN of losing stuff. my Nike sportsband watch was missing for 4 days, I found it tonight, under the seat of my truck. siiggghh. ADHD? what's that? HA! When I got back to the house, I asked Jacky to take a picture of me, just so you could share in my happy state of mind at that very moment. He cut the top of my head off, but the grin tells it all, I think. I love the new ME . Aren't you glad you stopped by? I AM!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

family update

Spring Break! Kristin came home for less than 48 hours, and then flew to CA and is safe in the arms of the cutest boy i know. well, one of them, anyway. It makes me smile just knowing that they're together. I'm truly a hopeless romantic, i know.
Doug is single. Kayleigh and Doug just cannot get along. She moved out. Mutual agreement. i miss her though. He seems ok, so far. Doug has an interview at a factory tomorrow. pleeeaaaaassseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Jenny & Konor are doing well, but still haven't found jobs, so they can't pay rent. Jenny got a job at Target, but we haven't heard if she passed the drug test yet, which is obviously questionable.
Jackson is either practicing or playing in basketball playoff games every.single.night and aaaaaalll weekend every weekend, since he's on 3 teams. He actually stayed home from school sick yesterday! A rarity for him. Seems fine today and played well tonight-lost by 10. bummed. so...CYO season is over. he finally handed me his progress report tonight, hes had it since the 8th. I waited him out. all B's & C's. he's maintaining-with LOTS of hand holdingsupport by assistants and teachers. He still has his cell phone and hasn't caused any much trouble with it. He did really well while I was gone and gave me a big hug and a smile when I got home. I'm trying to just enjoy the good stuff. He's also dancing constantly, but doesn't want to go to a dance class or anything. boy, can he dance!
Kendyl can read well beyond a kindergarten level and loves books, just like Krstin did at her age. She loves being able to read anything she can get her hands on. She especially likes the American Girl series, and like her sister, loves Addy the best. She still enjoys being read to, so Daddy is happy with that. Her childhood sure is going by fast though. geesh. She's also riding without training wheels. What next? she is still the most easy going little thing, she's such a positive thinker and is the most enthusiastic child I've ever met. she just makes everybody happy. such a zest for life.
ShawnAlan is doing so much better this winter. last year was sucky. the at-home nebulizer machine has been a GOD SEND and has kept him out of the Doctor's office the entire season. He is so driven and determined it boggles the mind. He's so clever and coordinated too. he swims independently, loves being under water, and is ready to dump his training wheels too. hes THREE! where did my baby go? He knows he's from Arkansas and is proud to tell anybody who asks, "I'm from Arkansas! I'm a razorback!" He knows he grew in "She She's" tummy and that he has a baby brother named jakob. He knows she's off fighting the war and thinks she's pretty cool. too cute. He enjoys visiting them, she may be home by November(jake is turning 2 tomorrow and is staying at his Father's house at Ft. Drum). Shawn loves pre school and is the only lefty in his class. He seems proud of this. His best friend's name is Bryce. He's still very shy but warms up after a while. He starts gymnastics next session at the YMCA. I figured if he can do headstands & triple flips on the trampoline, he might as well be a gymnast! He also still has a bottle. i know, i know. *shrug* hey, it's better than reefer.
is that everyone?
Yogi is doing great. he had a way better winter this year too. not one sinus infection or anything more than a bad cold. work is busy!
I am stuck and cant seem to lose the last 20 lbs, but, other than that, I'm fine and had the best winter I've had in years, healthwise. My goal for the spring is to learn to play raquetball. wanna teach me? i gave up the whole swimming thing. i just hate it and got sick of fighting that fact. YUCK. It's gross.
sorry this post was so lame and boring. I will try harder next time!
is this faunt hard to read? let me know!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The C word

COMMITMENT, that is.

I run every day. Well, almost every day, but that's not the point, and, as a side note, my level of commitment to running is rocky, at best. I get lost in thought when I run. In fact, when I shared with a personal trainer that I come up with writing ideas and blog material during my run, but then can't remember them afterwards, he suggested that I run intervals and write things down between intervals while I catch my breath. Sorry for the extra -& pointless- detail, but I thought some background might be helpful if you are new to my bloggy life. So..... I've been doing that a bit and I've noticed that I have so much clarity in my thoughts during that time of oxygen overload. I also feel sappy & tearful sometimes, but that's another blog post in itself. So- back to the subject at hand:

Something happened during my weekend in Orlando, and although I had played out several possible "this is how it will be" scenarios in my mind during the weeks prior to the trip, this one came out of left field, and I wasn't prepared at all. Let me back up just one more time and tell you that Jackson has been home for over 7 years now, and during the first 4 of those, I would have happily sent him packing 5 out of every 7 days. I'm talking DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON YOUR WAY OUT! kind of stuff, and I really mean that. BUT, every time he went to camp, I missed the kid. I did. And, for me, that is what kept hope for the future alive in my heart and mind. This weekend in Orlando I met Moms who had fought like hell for their children. Fought for their own safety & sanity, the safety of their RAD child and the safety & happiness of the rest of their family-and lost. Not every child can be saved in this whole RAD mess, and not ONE of these women let go easily, or just gave up. Every single Mom tried so hard and is so sad-devastated-that they could not save the family they had worked so hard to build, and keep it the way it was. The weekend away solidified the feelings I knew were there, but had questioned over and over, in my own head. Jackson is staying. I'm NEVER going to give up on him. I plan to fight harder for psychiatric medicationwhat he needs. i still despise clinical therapy, but I plan to take advantage of that(round 6!), as well as other services that have presented themselves. I plan to tell him I love him every day and be more.. I don't know. PRESENT. Be BETTER. I'm COMITTED. I realized this weekend how much I truly love this boy young man, miss him when we are apart, and really care about what happens to him down the rocky, HIV/RAD road he has to travel. Call it a renewed energy, of sorts. I'm still in. He's worth it. No more doubts. Remind me I wrote this when it gets ugly, ok?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

The F Word

FAITH, that is.

FAITH was a topic of conversation over my Orlando weekend. In my villa alone, we had a practicing Mormon, 3 agnostics, a catholic, an atheist -or 2, 2 other deep Christians(for lack of a more appropriate term.. "evangelical"??) and i think we even had what some would call MODGE PODGE. Not that any of us seemed concerned, we all got along and had fun, but it made me wonder how it would have played out LONG TERM. Me? I label myself A Watered Down Christian. I happen to be someone who thinks non-Christians, complete non-believers, and believers of...well... whatever, can be fantastic parents. gay men and women, in my opinion, can be wonderful parents. I don't see good parenting as a One Size Fits All endeavor. That being said, I've certainly seen some extremes that I don't necessarily agree with, but all in all, I take a Live & Let Live stance on families. Call me a pacifist-go ahead. Call me a watered down pacifist-that's ok too. I have HUGE shoulders(don't believe me? i took pictures of them. back track and see!) I can take it. A distant family member recently sent out a *KoobFace message that took the stance of "no foster child should ever be placed in a home where the parents aren't uber Christian". That just DOES NOT sit right with me. I even had the urge to take the AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU???? position with that person, but replied gently. That person chose to ignore. Good choice. Why have a pissing contest on *KoobFace anyway? Anyway, I just spent 4 days, in a Villa, with 67 other Moms, all of different regional backgrounds, races( was pretty light skinned, overall, to be honest)religious preferences and lifestyles and it was ALL GOOD. Ya think that kind of tolerance could go global?????????? EMBRACE OUR DIFFERENCES!!!!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


my bed
we table danced

we hung out with belly dancers

we played with napkins

we went swimming and soaking

we laughed. in our PJ's. A LOT!

did I mention the napkins?

our group- minus 3 who were in another car :(

we ran in hot weather-just for fun

we represented New England

I don't even know where to start, for starters. Well, whaddaya know? i already sound stupid! GAH! Ok, seriously though....I was terrified at first. I had only met a tiny handful of the Moms who I'd be drinkingstaying with-and by handful, i mean the kind of handful they're talking about when they say, "you can eat a handful of these cocoa dusted almonds as a healthy, protein enriched, post-run snack." That kind of handful, incase you are not up to speed with that sort of thing, is about 7 almonds in total. And that kind of handful leaves me feeling pretty empty. Several (ok.. a handful) of Moms pushed me to go anyway, even as the number of women attending climbed and climbed as the weeks leading up to the retreat shrunk and shrunk. I knew the trip would be so beneficial to me and I even felt like I might have something to offer in the whole thing-although I, to this day, couldn't specify exactly what that would be. I bit the bullet and booked myself a slot in what would turn out to be, what my kids would call, EPIC. Truth? I hardly left my villa. I hardly mingled. I hardly traveled. I hardly participated, in the great scheme of things. I enjoyed every.single.second of it. I was downright lazy. I observed, took photos of other Moms, floated in our heated pool, enjoyed the warm weather(i hated being indoors for even 5 minutes!), ran a few miles, read magazines i had overpaid for at the airport in Baltimore, made a total mess of my room(sorry M4M!), barely cleaned up, didn't change the toilet paper roll(sorry Rose!)ignored my greasy hair, ate too much, ate too much, ate waaaay too much.... get the idea. I met some wonderful women. Women who have had their teeth knocked out, their eyes blackened, their chins scarred, their hearts broken, their self esteem flattened, their needs ignored, their marriages tested, their families destroyed, their homes lit on fire-all by their RAD/previously traumatized & neglected, TERRIFIED children.. yet, still just keep on keepin' on and even reach out to help others who walk in their shoes. A term I heard repeatedly over the weekend was ROCK STAR. I couldn't agree more. I met some strong(and some so young!) Moms. All of them who foster, adopt or in one way or another raise children who don't/didn't love them back. I was hugged, recognized(so weird and surreal!) and hugged again by complete strangers who treated me like they'd known me all my life, and I tried -which wasn't hard to do-to treat them the same way. I learned alot about "The system". I also learned that my life IS NOT HARD, which, I must admit, I already knew. So many have it so much tougher. Jack is healing. I am healing. He is, what they refer to in the RAD parenting jargon world, as regulated most of the time. My family is safe and intact. I work from home. I have a fantastic spouse who loves to cook, clean, help and be Dad/mentor/taxi/scapegoat/fixer of all broken stuff. NOPE-I didn't dance on the table at the greek restaurant, I didn't go to Downtown Disney, I didn't touch a single drop of alcohol, I somehow missed the trip to the tattoo parlor.. but it's all good. I LIVED. i absolutely LOVE my housemates. I met "Rocky" 's Mom(she's not a celeb to me, she's just my son's orphanage friend's Mom, and he needed a Mom like her to save his heart, so I love her) I met some other special people, and they know who they are, and i slept a bit. I slept next to an open window too. i know, right?????? It made my year, and I cannot wait to go back and do it all over again-and more. I might even booze it up get dressed next time! Thank you, Corey. It was perfect in every way possible. You did it! YOU ROCK. Rest easy, my friend.