overwhelmed

by my bio/adopted/foster kids problems and their huge financial woes and his issues with room mates and friends and his inability to really connect and her desire to be the only child and his lack of self control and her poor anger management skills and his lack of self help skills and her low self esteem and his total disregard for his own safety and his transparent dishonesty and her need for total control and his self sabotage and her laundry list of painful mistakes and his missed connections and his demands for negative attention and her never ending use of the word LIKE and his non-stop whining and her endless, open -ended questions and his constant urge to give up and his lack of motivation and her lack of empathy and his poor hygiene and his empty promises and his daily food hoarding and her feelings of self entitlement and his mounting car repair bills and his preoccupation with gang life and her irrational fears and his failure to see the beauty or enjoyment in everyday things and his being out of touch with reality and the emotional and financial fallout of my husbands accident and i just cant seem to bounce back and get out of this mood or think of anything constructive or enjoyable to blog about.

woe is RAD

RAD child has no lunch money left in his account at school. interesting since i sent a huge check that should cover us until MARCH. he claims he only gets the basic lunch, no extras. Dad knew he was full of it, i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, since hes in the junior high this year and all the food is in one line, as opposed to several. i called in confusion and lack of skills. I called the school-Dad is right. Jackson receives a reduced lunch price of 40 cents. hes spending $2.50 a day, on average. he was told that those items were extra and that his parents would flip, (why didnt they CALL ME???)but he kept right on going until he had to admit he was out of money. at the old school, they would call me when he was down to 4$, because they know hes a goober. at this school-nothing. after he ate 4 plates of dinner last night, after a 2.5 hour detention, i knew something was up and got him to admit his account was empty and they wouldnt feed him any lunch. also, at the old school, if you snet in a check, the kid could only get basic lunch. not at this place. hes been having a blast! so.. now there is a comment on his account. "class A lunch only, No extras. No double lunch". she also called down to his teacher to tell him he could get a lunch today, and i will send a check on Monday. you cant not feed a RAD kid, even when you are trying to make a point, its damaging. So-now that we know he willfully, knowingly took advantage, what's the appropriate consequence?

He will receive cash gifts for Christmas, I think we should charge him the difference. that's my vote. do any of you have any clever, hip, "teachable moment" ideas?*

*if one of you tells me to have him go find me a pretty leaf, Im gonna FLIP A TABLE!

so difficult?

sometimes, they ARE. the dogs are up to 4 thousand pounds a piece. this list doesn't seem so insurmountable to me. i need to add a few rules, this list has been up for some time, as you can see.

1. keep your bodily functions to yourself. sharing isn't necessary or appreciated.

2. there is one TV and one toilet(during the half-bath demolition and re-model, anyway) for 9 people. find a way to forgive us. find other hobbies and use a tree when possible. we won't look.

3. even with 9 people, a double roll of Charmin every SIX HOURS is too much. cut back. think green. think TREE.

4.. "cuz" isn't an answer.

5. want more love? GIVE MORE.

6. WASH YOUR HANDS

7. the cuss can is up to $1.00 a cuss. suck it up. no freebies! no more I.O.Us!

8. the dog isn't a step stool and he doesn't like his nails painted. He told me. So stop. Please.

9. borrowing means you return it.

10. heckling the telemarketers only makes them call more often, not less. gimme a break, ok?

11. only love and kindness is shown in this house.

and take off your shoes!

The Jerk

The Jerk never happened tonight. My jerk was too jerky turkey to go to a school dance and perform The Jerk for his peers. he was too busy jerking and quirking and teasing kids in the resource room, to the point of turning his desk around to avoid being *looked at* by an *ugly girl* in his class. He couldn't let it go there, though. Nooooooooo. As class was letting out he went out of his way to walk by her and tell her that if she looked at him again, he was going to *smack her*. Nice huh? Isn't he charming? Don't you want him over for dinner? Afterall, he can jerk, ya know. The principal called to let me know that not only had The Jerk Jackson been kept in for lunch time detentions twice last week for disrupting that class, he really nailed his own coffin today by threatening the smack down of The Ugly Girl. I think he's embarrassed to be in the resource room, embarrassed to be at an even lower math level than some of the kids in the class, so he acts LIKE A JERK innappropriately to cover it up. So, in addition to the after school detention his teacher handed down today because of more disruptions, the principal is keeping him for an hour and a half, 2 days in a row, next week as well, for the Criminal Threatening Towards The Ugly Girl. Just long enough to send him into boredom psychosis. Perfection. He also must walk home from these detentions, because that's the rule. When you screw up enough to earn an after school detention, you walk home. 4 miles. I hope it snows.
He also brought home a less than stellar report card today, but had made all the stuff from the teacher and principal dissappear. (The kid still thinks I'm a dummy head.) All A's B's and a few C's at progress report time, now 1 A, 4C's and a D. Outstanding!
Makes for a terrific weekend huh?
Oh, to top it allllllllllllll off, I haven't been sleeping well since Yogi's accident and I am having recurring dreams regarding that day and Doug's impending trip to Band Camp*. I may need to drug myself heavily to get though the winter! Hoping time will ease all this stuff, usually does. why can't anxiety just kill my appetite instead???????????????

* WAR

this weeks pics

movies Yogi & kids watched during the restful week

updates and other

All is well, Yogi is resting comfortably, trying not to over do. He's bored but handling this better than I thought he would. He is not one to sit around. He still has a Dumbo ear and looks beat up on his face, neck, back & head, but feels pretty good. I, however, woke up with some viral crud today and fought insane nausea and splitting headache all.day.long. It was not fun trying to take care of him, myself and Shawn. I dropped Kendyl at school at 9, fighting a sick stomach the whole way, ( I even managed a cute dress and hair clippies.. on her, not me LOL)then Court picked her up at school for me at 1. Then my Mom came for a visit, huge surprise! she's allowed to drive now! she looked great and brought donuts lol. The kids had fun with her and I showed her the 2 bedrooms we've been working on. She even helped me make my bed! (Shawn had peed through his clothes, yet again). Then I started to feel really ill while she was here and fell asleep on the couch. Um....oops? she understands. I just hope I didn't expose her to any serious crud.
Our doctor called. Kendyl & Shawn can have H1N1 immunizations Saturday morning, so we signed them up for 9am. then, all 3 youngest kids will have both flu shots done. At first we had said NO WAY but people in our town are getting sooooo sick with this flu. There are too many people in this house to deal with this on such a huge level. It would look & feel like a war zone. I hope I don't regret this decision.

Doug & Tim finished the roof -the one Yogi fell off of -today. Looks great. he messed up tore off some of the siding on his way down, and trashed some scraggly trees, but they told us we can repair that when we come back to do the garage roof in the spring. The blood will wash away on it's own, right? LOL ...All is OK.

People are so good to us. Our friend Cheryl, a chef, brought us some AMAZING muffins. He's received cards, notes, flowers and phone calls all day, every day. The cookbook committee ladies, who all adore him, and the contractor counter folks at the Home Depot have checked in on him several times. He's feelin' the love from all over and it feels good. Anyone who meets him, loves him. He's like the guy in the Martina McBride song. He's just that good lol
Jackson's voice is so deep that it's almost creepy. It's deeper than Doug's and he's 6'4! Freaky huh? Maybe he's an alien! He's currently all excited about the school dance on Friday night. Hes getting brave and dancing in front of classmates now!. he's amazing. he's rehearsing for his "the jerk" dance(some hip hop dance hes learning)
Speaking of Dougalou... At drill this past weekend he received his final deployment orders. He says I'm not allowed to give any specifics, but suffice it to say, the details he shared absolutely terrify me. The good part is that he & Ben, his room mate and current arch nemesisbest friend, will be TOGETHER at their location. Jay leaves for good next week, he's an infantryman, and he's being stationed in a totally different middle eastern location. I'm hoping to get photos of the 3 of them together this week while Jay is back home for the week. Anyway, from here on, I will refer to Doug & Ben's war location as *BAND CAMP*(we all just voted on the name, T & Courtney liked *THE HOOD* better, but Yogi won)
I still feel like turd so I'm going to go chill. I just put kids to bed and should be cleaning, but I need a rest.
Thank you all for checking in with my cartoon character, thank you for caring!

emotionally drained

life throws you curves. sometimes, when you say "life is just going too well right now!", you should SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I know I should have. Yesterday started off like any other Monday. I drove by the job site on the way to drop kendyl off at school and we honked and waved to all the boys up on the roof. My husband looked and waved and blew me a kiss as we passed. A crystal ball would have really come in handy at that moment. the morning had gone poorly and I wanted a DO OVER. When i arrived back home, my foster dog from hell Keyra, had tipped the trash can over and made a huge colossal mess all over the kitchen and down the hall. I love coffee grounds. Then I noticed that the washing machine is still leaking, even after the boys had replaced the pump just 2 weeks ago. 30 loads a week, what can we expect, right? I patted the washer on the head, told him it was gonna be OK, and started searching through boxes of Jackson's clothes because a friend needs them for her son. None of the lights would work in the storage room, I couldn't find some of what I wanted, Shawn had his 3rd bout of diarrhea, then my phone rang. Yogi had fallen off the roof and landed ON HIS HEAD.

I was told he was out cold. It was hard to think straight. i packed a quick bag, tossed Shawn into the truck and went straight there, only half a mile away. He looked ashen and starry eyed. Tim helped me get him into the truck and I took him to the ER in the city next to us. He was in and out the whole way, moaning and telling me weird stuff one minute, then making total sense the next. It's amazing how fast people move when you tell them your passenger just fell off a roof! we had valet parking take the truck, 2 guys put Yogi into a wheelchair and zoomed us down the hall while i carried Shawn and the diaper bag. They got him in instantly, put him on a backboard, braced his neck, inserted an IV and yelled at me for not calling an ambulance. I was so nervous, it didn't even occur to me! After his neck/spine scan came back clear, we all relaxed. He was totally with it by that point, but still kept insisting he had never blacked out. 3 people told me he had been OUT at the scene lol. He told us the ladder slipped, all the scaffolding came down, he nailed the aluminum plank(with his head) and dented it on the way down, then landed on a big board on the ground, which really hurt and knocked the wind out of him. Doug heard commotion and found his Dad laying there. Yogi just kept telling the Doc and nurse it hurt to breathe. All of a sudden, Yogi's baby brother walked in and Yogi cried a little bit. He grabbed his hand and then felt better. He adores his brother. X rays couldn't find any broken bones, so they sent us home with just a head injury, bruising, contusions, he's covered in black and blues, scrapes, a big swollen ear, a bloody head with a huge egg on it and swollen, "jarred" organs that hurt. They told him he'd hurt more today, and he does. He slept Ok overnight, considering. His neck hurts a lot, he's having lots of trouble moving around and we are just loving on him all we can. Kristin took the news hard, she always does, but fels much better now that she knows he will be OK. Vicodin is amazing stuff, by the way. So is health insurance! We are thankful and it will be a wonderful, restful, Thanksgiving this year. We dodged a HUGE bullet back in March, and now this. Is GOD trying to tell me something? i don't feel like I take him for granted, I count my blessings every day, I give him tons of attention, he knows I love him to pieces... I don't like thinking about how I would live without him. I don't want to think about it. There have been lots and lots of careful hugs. We were having a great month, as far as finances go, too... I hope come out of this mess OK. But I don't really care. He's safe. He's home. He's in one piece. Thanks, Big Guy.
Can i have chocolate now?

this week in pictures

could he be any cuter?

does this kid have fashion hipster sense OR WHAT???? i see a career.

these 2 love play dough. shawn calls it "dee-oh"

you have NO IDEA the delight this picture brings me, unless you have been reading my blog for over a year. i still suffer post traumatic stress over our 7 day power outage and family uprooting in dec. of 08. NEVER AGAIN! you can read about that crazy storm, and the aftermath, here.

Courtney modeled eagerly too and is very excited about the fact that her cell phone and hair straightener can be plugged in LOL

these to guys are attached at the hip. their relationship is so sweet to watch. they have a schtik, a comedy routine every day.. i cant explain it but i wish i could get avideo of it and post it on here. SO CUTE. every night he says "i love you, Gunkuh" when he kisses him goodnight. kids can never have too many adults to love them in their life.

we ordered 10 of these for uncle tim to mail out. think he'll like them? its a surprise.

sneak preview!

the big winner-ordered 100 of them today

close 2nd place

honorable mention, but not enough Jacky

like it

boring

GOALS

last year Yogi only had one request, of all of us, for his Christmas present. He wanted each of us to write a list of our Goals, Hopes & Dreams and present it to him Christmas Morning. Kristin, being the brown nosing, ass kissing suck up driven, organized, people pleasing, oldest child she is, not only wrote her list on time, but decorated it with stickers and glitter, designed a custom made envelope for it and delivered it in his stocking Christmas eve. geek. The rest of the family had issues with this assignment request. Me, because I despise authority. Doug, because he doesn't like writing. Jackson, because he couldn't put anything into words an has no very little self worth, and from an intellectual standpoint, the assignment request was over his head. Long story short, we failed. He claimed, at the time, that his feelings were not hurt, but i still wonder, so this year, I'm hoping to rally the troops again, bribe encourage the children into getting their lists made and surprise their Daddy with a whole slew of personal lists on The Big Day. Over the last 12 months he has mentioned the lists in passing, especially mine, and seems to very much still want them. Usually, when Yogi makes a request, the kids jump on it because they love to make him happy. yah..i know, right? pimp! but this was different. It was difficult. It took effort. Big effort. I personally, was afraid to come out looking selfish and my mental list(hey, i got that far!) was looking like a big list of *I WANT*s, or "stuff you've never done for me", and I didn't want it to come off that way. He is the hardest working, most driven, goal oriented guy I've ever met in my entire life. When you pull up to our small house you would never know that, but it's the truth. Nobody tries harder to succeed, personally or professionally. I have expressed this apprehension to him, and he says its doesn't matter. Yogi says,
"DREAMS ARE GOALS THAT JUST HAVEN'T HAD THE ENERGY PUT BEHIND THEM"
I will try to keep this in mind while i compile my list for him. some whining may occur in the coming weeks. be ready.
Don't most husbands just want a big screen TV??????

Dear So & So painting client

I am here to paint your living room. i am not, however, here to:
help you plan your toddler grandson's Birthday Party
teach you how to use the new scanner you bought
boil eggs for the get together at the nursing home
listen to you rehearse for karaoke night. GOD, PLEASE NO!
shop online for window treatments
hear your "funny bathroom story"
train you in Craig's list etiquette
counsel you in your marital woes
hear your thoughts on politics, religion, the death penalty, govt. buy outs, or the price of shell fish
examine your moles
diagnose your rashes
move your furniture
check your dog for ticks
straighten your hair
put drops in your eyes
answer creditor phone calls
dry your tears
wake your husband *for his pills*
design your pantry
organize your canned goods
answer your door
entertain your ferret
clean your jewelry
figure out what's stuck in your garbage disposal
or anything else that doesn't involve painting your walls.
thank you very much, and have a wonderful evening. see you at 8am. I am going to go home and gouge out my eyes and ears now. night!

babysteps to adulthood, part deux

the clutch that doug ordered is *back ordered*. 8 weeks. then, he realized he cant install it himself, due to some logistics, and will need to hire someone. another 500$. so, first, he canceled the order-8 weeks is too long- and he is looking for someone who can get it in quickly. then, Brian(family friend, my first boyfriend actually LOL, who owns an auto body shop but is also a mechanic) will install it. first things first-hes installing doug's new driver's side window today. then, we can try to find the clutch he needs. how is this kid supposed to get another 500$ together? he paid 7g's for this damn car and can't drive it, can i admit that the older kids problems and financial issues overwhelm me at times? geesh!
i am painting a living room in a house for the next 3 days, maybe i can give him my pay from that. OY. i really wanted to start a bit of our Christmas shopping.
on a side note-Kristin's plane tickets to CR only cost 402.00$ NOT TOO SHABBY!!!!! that was a nice surprise, i slept well after hearing that. so.. some good news.
Ken is sad that she doesnt have school tomorrow.
Shawn still has a nose that runs like a faucet. yuck. but he seems to feel good.
the VA upped Uncle Tim's disability percentage after his exam last month, so he will collect more per month now, which he needs. more good news.
Jack is having a great month. his behavior just gets better and better and he seems so settled. whats going on? LOL. i should call and check in with his teacher...now that hes in the resource room so much, hes happier, but doesnt get any homework. no challenge! easier on us? yes. do i think academics can ever come first in his life? NO WAY. but id like to see him have SOME responsibilities! it all just seems way too easy. just kinda weird, is all. i better call. he was supposed to dress up for the *boring* field trip( a math play?) yesterday, and he dressed like a homeless gangster instead. i blame Dad, i slept in!
i miss my husband. we never have any time, just us. we may go out tonight, just to take a ride and chat, but we'll have to take the roofing truck, Stella, since Courtney will be at school in my SUV. Stella is dirty and noisy and smelly. oh, well. i will take what i can get hee hee.
GOD, am i boring to read lately, or what? i will put my funny hat on for my next post k? be good!

baby steps to adulthood

Doug & Kayleigh in May

poor louie lou.. he just cant catch a break. his apartment building is in the woods, but that didn't stop some losers from smashing his car window thismorning. luckily, the car alarm scared them off before they were able to steal his very pricey stereo equipment, but he keeps saying "why me?" . bad luck seems to follow Doug wherever he goes, not a great pattern for a kid about to go off to war. Uncle Tim lent him the money to get it fixed, as doug had just spent his last 500$ on a new clutch for the car, and didn't have any left to replace the window. all of our money is tied up with the Costa Rica thing coming up. without the loan, Doug would have had to sleep in the car until it was fixed so that he wouldn't have the stereo stolen. He's sleeping here, where the car will be safe, tonight and getting the window replaced in the morning. Poor Louie. he has Army drill all weekend and will pay Uncuh back next week. why can't life be easier for these guys? the girls can't afford cars at all, and Doug's, although a nice car, is a constant expense and source of problems. he sure is on the fast track, as far as learning some independent living skills go, way more than the college kids are learning. college is a cushy Barbie Dream Date compared to sharing an apartment with a pile of teenage friends!

anyway, I'm craving cake.

late!

ok, so i blew it again. im trying!

last night i made chocolates. they were supposed to be for Halloween, but it got late, so i stuck to a thanksgiving/fall theme. cute huh? if youve read for my blog for any length of time, you know i make these for almost every holiday. 20 years later, still making them. my mom & dad look forward to it, so does the nursing home my mom volunteers at.

spent the day at home yesterday, cleaned my truck, raked leaves, played in leaf piles with the kids, just hung out. Yogi & T fixed the broken screen door. we drove courtney to work and back. nothing big. saving our money. today? no idea! hoping to have some fun. not with laundry LOL