RAD, Rain & Related Rantings

10pm 06/30

Some days are easy, relatively speaking. Other days are so, so, so hard. It’s often 2 steps forward, 8 steps back with our RADical son. Difficult days can begin so innocently. Today was no exception. I only went to his bedroom to be sweet. Super, uber sweet. I bought a new plastic mattress cover and needed to put it on, the other one had a rip, and I even went all out and made his bed up all nice for him, ya know.. just to be sweet. (He tends to just throw a blanket over the plastic and lay down, within hours he’s asleep on the plastic in a puddle of urine. He‘s very, very lazy that way… Ok…in every way LOL) Anyway, I wish I had taken pictures of what I found. I will be a copy cat and use my friend Tara’s “bullet point” method of reporting….Bring you all up to speed, so to speak.

* 2 Boston Market takeout containers, filled with mold, in closet #1

* 4 pear/apple cores on carpet

* 2 banana peels on book shelf

* several chunks of orange rind, enough for about 4 oranges, spread throughout the room and in between pages of books

* 7 fruit snack packages

* 11 granola bar wrappers

* 43 urine soaked clothing items in closet #2.

* The Red Sox “David Ortiz” team jersey Doug has been very vocal about searching for for the last 3 months, underneath all the urine-soaked clothing in closet #2

* 4 brand new pair of Doug’s jeans, 3 of them flannel lined, 3 purchased by yours truly, 1 pair that Doug bought for himself, all completely shredded with scissors.

* 3 “missing” DVDs

* 2 I pod shuffles, of unknown origin. 1 turned out to be Kristin’s, stolen from her bedroom 13 mos. ago.

* 3 notebooks, swimming in urine. Poor, poor, innocent closet #2.

* 2 disposable razors

* MY nail clippers

* 2 pair of scissors

* can of neon blue spray paint, hidden behind the bed, sprayed on carpet and wall behind the bed. Also sprayed all over a childhood stuffed animal of Doug’s, which was also hidden behind the bed and destroyed.

* 1 box of pencils, every single one broken in half.

* various wall chargers, no idea what they charge or who they belong to.

* drawings I can’t even talk about

* 2 town league basketball jerseys he promised me he had given back to his coach

* Jay's favorite ScarFace T shirt-had been missing all through the winter and early spring.

* Kristin brought home a crate of expired, 20oz. Bottles of Soda from her job at Dominos Pizza. I found 5 of them up there, hidden all over. So… drink 20 oz. of pop in the middle of the night when you’re a bed wetter. Self help plan? Great.
The spray paint threw me over the edge. I was calm until I saw that mess. I went down to the kitchen and pitched a huge cutting board at the air conditioner and broke the damn thing. I also threw a tea kettle out the door. I burst into tears. Then I felt better. Did I mention it’s still raining? I’m also typing this post in Microsoft word and saving it to put in my blog when I get my internet back. Yup. No phone. No internet. Crapped out at 840 this morning. Phone company *might* fix it tomorrow, they *might not*. I am in such a bad mood! Uncle Tim is helping me.. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? He’s pretty much doing it all… get through the 20 loads of laundry we pulled out of Jackson’s room. Can you say UREA?????????? Oh, Dear Lord, the SMELL! I need a serious vacation, but I will never get one. 20 years is a long time. I’m just sayin'.

update: 7/1/09 3:30pm

internet restored.

STILL RAINING.

# of times we have watched Toy story 2 in the last week: 21

# of laundry loads out of jacksons room yesterday: 9

# of boredom induced dog fights: 2

# of calls to Verizon/Fairpoint about internet loss: 7

# of swear words used -by me-in last 24-48 hours: 14

# of MJ songs i have listened to since he died: 66

# of times i have indulged in emotional eating during this time of.. um...unrest: 3(go me!)

# of hours of enjoyment brought forth by the mail today-a HUGE box of miscellaneous Toy Story action figures & vehicles i won from EBAY for 22$(SCORE!!!): 5 so far!(another GO ME)

# of times i have been asked "what did you do to your hair????" since going blonde: 41

# of extra showers i have taken as of late, just to get away from all these people and animals and noise: 10

# of times i have begged God to stop the rain-just for 2 days-: 4

# of times i have dreamed about sunshine: 2

# of times my foster dog has peed in the house to avoid the rain: 4

# of times i have wanted my foster dog to run away: 7 ok.. 9. but i love her.

# of unsettling dreams i had last night: 3

# of hugs I've needed-and gotten- yesterday and today: 11 and counting

# of times i have told myself, "do not give up. nobody ever told you this would be a walk in the park, Biotch! Girlfriend! in the last 2 days: 460

460 times should be enough. right?

starting over, moving past & letting go....

ali... OUT.