1. roaches don't die. ever.
2. text messaging while making an illegal u turn is frowned upon by the police.
3. rinsing bad smelling chicken doesn't neccessarily make it safe.
4. when your spouse calls you from the grocery store, asking for help with choosing a hair color, answering "whatever you like, babe" might not be the way to go.
5. never store chocolate in your glove box.
6. in a house full of teenagers, it is dangerous to fall asleep on the couch. think permanant marker.
7. E.T is just as sad the 23rd time you watch.
8. E.T. merch is expensive on Ebay
9. never let a 3 year old carry the bag containing the lighbulbs and eggs.
10. if you can't find your keys, look in the fishtank.
11. if your credit card is missing, look in the fishtank.
12. toddlers love gum & fishtanks
13. when teenagers move out of the house, they still expect you to do their laundry and provide them with pizza.
14. the FCC doesnt really care.
15. just because it says "washable" doesnt mean it is.
16. canned chili isn't really chili.
17. to kids, "a few" is 20 or more.
18. colorful language is not welcome at the DMV.
19. toll takers give lousy directions just for fun.
20. if a hairdresser offers you an alcoholic drink before she starts cutting, she's got big plans for you.