We Are The United States Armed Services, and we just don't care!

dear doug
crawford
whatever the hell your name is,

my name is ... eh, who cares what my name is, right? anyway, i received your letter today. it was written with a whole bunch of big, 3 syllable words so i didn't understand much of it, but i think it was a written request to have all your uniform name patches, official paperwork, certifications and diplomas re printed with the proper spelling and order of your names. first of all, 4 names is waaaaay too mega hard for me to write over and over again in the exact same way. I'd have to stop watching Jerry Springer Twilight and staring at Private Como, who is doing his workout over there in the corner. he is HOTTTTTT.
ok, so, i see here that on your 4 most important documents you are listed as:
PFC Bellamy Crawford, Lyle Douglas
PFC Crawford, D. Bellamy
PFC Douglas, Bellamy Craw D.
and
PFC Crawford Bellamy, Daniel L.
You must realize that listing you as PFC Bellamy Crawford, Douglas L. on allll those papers is a really huge job and I'm new here. they just transfered me over from the mailroom in April.(everything that bi-otch said about me is a lie, by the way!)
So, what I'm trying to say is, request DENIED, soldier boy. I have waaaay more important things to do, like paint my nails, which are now brittle and destroyed, thanks to this dump, incase you were wondering, and .. well....being in the Army is HARD! My STUPID Dad told me this would be a great way to earn money for cosmetology & modeling school but all i've gotten so far is knocked up. no idea how, either... i never let any of those guys kiss me on the lips!
In closing........deal with it, Daniel. You're on your own. Hope this doesn't mess up your bonus... much. snicker. snort.
piss up a rope warmest regards , Camille Duart
Records Department of the United States Army
Fort Jackson , SC