ninnies, ninnies, ninnies!!!!

ok, so.....here's my dilemma. i am ready, i think, to wean my 11 month old son. yes, i am nursing an adopted baby, but that's another whole post altogether. (it's not as difficult as it sounds). the dilemma? Shawn Alan is about as ready to wean as a 6 week old orangutan. He thinks ninnies should be an hourly event.
hungry? ninnies.
boo boo? ninnies will fix that!
frightened by an airplane flying overhead? ninnies will make you brave.
bored? ninnies to the rescue!
teething? ninnies is a SERIOUS pain blocker!
overtired? ninnies. great pick-me-up. your second wind is just a boobie away!
thirsty? ninnies will wet that whistle!
sad? embarassed? anxious? lonely? ninnies will wash away the angst.
sick? ninnies is a cure for all that ails you.
get the picture? he's a mamary junky. hes jonesin' for the juice. he's strung out on ninnies. he's just gotta have it! what is a poor mommy to do?
he smacks his lips and raises my size 18 shirt in public! do you have any idea what lies beneath a size 18 shirt, bloggers????? WELL, IT AINT PRETTY! he wakes up at all hours of the night for a fix. i haven't slept through the night in 11 mos. and 1 week. i am getting fatter and fatter and fatter, consuming the extra calories and not taking my favorite ephedra pills. it sure is hard to make time for work outs with a constant growth attached to your chest. i miss pineapple!(nursing moms can't have it) & pepperoni. i wanna be a mere 'C' cup again! i want "the girls" all to myself! but... i want him to have what he needs, especially the immunities, the nutrition, the high fat content(hes still underweight and is the size of your average 6-7 month old)... all that. i feel selfish, but i am ready to wean. i am fighting the urge to cut him off cold turkey, wrap him in duct tape and watch him suffer withdrawals. is there a patch for ninnie addiction? i have never weaned before, all my other kids dumped ME! (how RUDE!) so i feel like a first time mom again with all this new stuff.... the non sleeping and the hourly ninnie breaks. i guess i have no chance of going out and finding part time employment huh? can you just see the bosses face when i take hourly bathroom breaks? i really thought that once he was walking(which i knew he would do early, and did he ever!) he would self wean. nadda. nope. not happenin'. when he finally took his first bottle last month i thought he'd begin to wean. uh-uh. bottles are over rated, he says. so i've been scratched, bitten, beaten down, kept awake, made a fool of and un-dressed in public for a year now. was it worth it? of course! but im ready for it to end. i'm pulling out al the stops. and the duct tape.