1. orange juice on snow doesn't taste nearly as good as it did when i was 4.
2. the term "speed pass" is really just a play on words. You aren't allowed to fly through it going 61mph.
3. never apply No More Tangles to a dog's fur. it just isn't meant for that. Don't give them leftover sloppy joes either. I mean that.
4. never apply orange oil to a linoleum floor for ANY reason. This is very important.
5. baseball gloves and athletic support devices aren't meant to go through the dryer.
6. nail polish remover isn't a fix-all.
7. GPS is, by no means, fool proof.
8. not every swamp is noted by GPS
9. debt collecters will just keep calling even if you tell them you're the babysitter.
10. never buy a pickup truck on Craig's List
11. oil based paint isn't for kids.
12. decopage doesn't mean water proof.
13. a dead squirell, burning in a fire pit, does NOT smell like chicken!
14. don't assume your kids know the difference between perishable and non-perishable.
15. Grandparents do not like to be called "those old people" under any circumstances.
16. above-the-range microwaves don't run any quieter if you hit them really hard a few times. Infact, they stop working altogether.
17. eye glasses don't belong on the back bumper of an Expedition.
18. when a kid says "i think i'm gonna throw up" answering "hang on a minute while i pull over" doesn't really help. same with "i think i'm gonna pee my pants."
19. temporary tattoos are not as temporary as they seem.
20. there is absolutely NO GLORY in being the designated driver. the commercials LIE. (I had to pay for my ice water and i got blamed for everything!)
21. life was way more fun when I was the drunk.
22. picturing everyone in their underwear doesn't really make public speaking any easier.