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Saturday, August 11, 2012

GIFTS

My sister Amy is a quilter. A gifted, mostly self taught, incredibly talented & creative quilter- and person. At times, she makes me want to repeatedly slam my neck hand in a car door, but.. that's a blog post for another day. That day will come, too. I mean it. 
When we were 5&6, she'd sew marble bags and Barbie clothes and sell them to the all the kids in our hood. Well.. in actuality, she gave her one-of-a-kind, American made goods away at first, but then, once the kids were hooked & drooling, she'd slam them with her jacked up prices and grin with her hand out while they cried & kicked the dirt at our door, in a childish attempt at the delicate art of peer negotiation. Alas, they were no match for Amy The Great. Defeated, the custodial parent would glare at my innocent, non confrontational Mother as they handed over the tear dampened, crumpled wads of Benjamins.  Looking back now, she was quite the little entrepreneur. Her business only grew over the years, she made some incredible stuff as she learned to cross stitch, knit, crochet and do some other crafts I can't pronounce or remember. In fact, by high school she was starting fashion trends! But... in adulthood she ended up falling hard for office management/accounting and now only quilts and sews for her own enjoyment. She often dreams about something she wants to make, wakes up, draws a picture of it, then gets up in the morning and begins the new project. The gift is still there, but she never wanted it to be a "have to". Never wanted it to be something she needed by a certain deadline, and I can totally understand that. "I'm not a trained chimp!" She's rides a motorcycle, enjoys genealogy/ancestry and  accounting, and is totally at peace about where all of it falls into place in her life. 

I have about 4 different blog posts I need to write, and, like my Sister, I often wake up with the overwhelming need to take notes at my bedside, so that I can get back to sleep and focus on my writing at a later, more convenient time. 
One theme rings true in all 4 post outlines: GIFTS.
What are my true gifts? Where can they take me? So far, I have always kept career talk OFF the bloggy table. Some of you know what I do & don't do, some of you don't. But I never discuss it on here. It's boring and doesn't belong here. I'm not a brain surgeon or a CIA agent, but.. I do things. 
I want to do new things. 
ME things. 
I just wanna be ME!
I love to write. I always have, for as long as I can remember.
I'd like to write, on a full time basis, and cash a paycheck now & then. When people keep telling me I'm good at something, I finally cave and believe it. But then I read other writing and think, "I'm not that good/that deep/that funny/that poignant/that clever/that timely". Self confidence doesn't exactly ooze from my pores- especially lately. My sense of self has certainly taken a hit. As Mothers, we spend our time helping our children uncover their gifts, and often ignore our own search for self. Don't you agree? In any case, between Dear John, Big Jim, my handsome spouse who believes in me with everything he is, a handful of friends & family members, and one very, very special guy in my life, who I hung out at a bar with last night -and who I love so much it hurts-he always tells me the truth and always has my back, I've decided to actively seek out my true gifts, do some research and see if I can financially profit from my "talents". I put that term in quotes because I'm still working on the Believing It part.
And, if that doesn't work out I'm totally going to clown college.

3 comments:

GB's Mom said...

You have so many talents to chose from,itch will be awhile before you have time for clown college.

beemommy said...

That's my Aly girl, you can do anything!

Kathy C. said...

I find that my writing is more perseverance than talent. My words just never flow out onto a page. They have to be kicked, tugged, shoved....