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Thursday, February 13, 2014

18 mos. later...

    How does one even begin to write in their blog after such a long hiatus?  I assume that 6 or 7 former followers are curious about how we're doing, whether I gained back the 82 lbs, where Jackson is, whether we lost the house, moved, etc.

  Upon reading through my most recent posts, I see that our lives really haven't changed all that much. The first thing you'll notice is that I punctuate and capitalize now- here's the buzzkill- my i pad does it for me. Sorry. 

  We still struggle financially and we still have the house, but at a much higher price but lower payment.
Kristin is still in California, loves it there and is still with Evan. He's in grad school, she's working at a job she loves and just earned a promotion and raise. She visited here after 18 mos. Away( for Christmas) and then again the following September. She's hoping to come again in June, we'll see. It's weird, and I miss her, but she'll be 25 in March so I guess all this is typical and I did my job and she worked hard and did hers.

  Doug, along with 3 of his friends and their toddler, finally moved out of here in November. Doug has a good job at Valvoline, he got his vehicle inspections license and a raise and lives with his amazing girlfriend Tiffany in an apartment in a nearby city. Tiffany is like a superhero. She makes him wanna be a better man. And he is! He's the happiest and calmest I have ever seen him since he was 3 years old.  So there's that. He turned 23 in December.

   Jackson is still living in the group home- month 21. He is never coming home. We tried reunification several times, but it just isn't going to work. The story is too long and painful to write, but the fact is he never attached to us and he never will. He does better for strangers. He lives in an Independent Living building where he's learning life skills, at his pace( which is STOP). He's a boxer and in an alternative school where he "earns" good grades. He's working with a vocational counselor in hopes that he'll eventually be able to get and hold a job, with supervision and assistance.  His IQ is now being reported at 63, he doesn't want to work, so the road to any level of independence will be long and arduous. We've known his IQ was that low for years, but schools and counselors disagreed. Suddenly his IQ is exactly where I suspected. But what do I know?  He wants to be with black people and refuses to even take ear buds out of his ears when he's here, he won't even speak, and he lit a fire last Christmas ( 2012) and smokes pot and steals our money & cell phones so he doesn't visit anymore. He says he's only here for the internet and hates us all, so we stopped contact after Christmas Day 2013.  On paper he'll be 18 in April. At that point he can choose to stay at the home or bolt and couch hop and be semi homeless. Every person he speaks with gets a different story, as far as what his plans are for April 26th, but we'll all find out in 72 days. Not that I'm counting. My love for him has been smashed and smashed down and buried to the very bottom of my heart. It ain't comin back up. I will have to see him in court in March, but I'm an empty shell.  Court is because of his DCYF case and the fact that we've been ruled neglectful and are abandoners. Yup.
But ya know what? My shrink "Dear John" says I'm doing everything right and I don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks anymore. I poured everything I had into that kid for 10 years and he chewed me up and spit me out until I had NOTHING. He doesn't want parents. He wants money and things. I was a therapeutic parent. I understand RAD, but I don't have to let it into my life if I don't want to. And I don't. Yogi feels the same way and we are moving on.

   Since November it's just been Kendyl, ShawnAlan and us in the house. It's oddly calm and quiet and we are all enjoying it immensely.  They love rainbow loom and school and the i pad minis they got for Christmas from my friend Forrest. They earn good grades and are sweet, neuro typical children who express love and empathy. Life is pretty good.

   I'm painting part time, -I'd paint full time but work is slow right now- Yogi  is still roofing and remodeling, even though he needs his heart valve replaced. He went out for a run and collapsed and had a mild heart attack in the street while I was on my Orlando trip last march, his arteries are great but he needs a valve. We are uninsured. Long story but he just can't do intense heart rate stuff until it's replaced. The recovery will be long, we not be able to collect, so we are waiting til he is crucial. Orlando is coming up again, I leave for my BETA(formerly ETAAM) trip 3 weeks from today. I can't wait! He better be ok while I'm gone. That was the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life. Trying to get back here to him.... Awful. I got the next flight out, Sandy rushed me to the airport,  I cried on both flights, and both times I was sandwiched between 2  older gentlemen and they were very kind. I was so lucky to have them. Doug and coreylee picked me up at the airport near midnight and Dropped me off at the hospital. I found my husband bloodied, covered in road rash with a few teeth missing, laying in the E.R. I can't believe it's been almost a year. Feels like yesterday. 

   All in all, we are all doing well. I should blog, maybe my funny will come back. I used to be funny. Where did it go? Maybe if I wrote daily, about daily events, my funny would return. I'll try it. 

We've had a seriously snowy winter here, kids are home again today. Gonna go make cookies or something. I'm up 25 pounds but I'm working hard to get it off again. ( but not with cookies). Stay tuned.


Kathy C. said...

Glad to see you back on blog.

As far as RAD and kids, I think some things just can't be fixed. It sucks really and the person who caused it is never the one who pays.

Sounds like a tough year for you.

I'm kind of with you in some of it, like seeing the older ones move on and hoping you taught them everything they need to know and letting go so they can take off on their own. When Jessica gets married in Oct, I'll be down to just my littlest three (except my asperger's will probably move home by then.)

There's a lot of stuff I'm trying to move past right now so my blog hasn't really said much real lately, just pictures of the kids.

Headed to Orlando with just my man March 10-13.

Last Mom said...

I can't wait to see you!

Magan said...

I just finished reading your entire blog & I'm in awe of your brutal honesty. Would you care to give an update? I get the gist of things from FB (does it count as stalking if you shared your FB name & extended the invitation? HAHA). Your new grandson is absolutely lovely & perfect. My heart did skip a beat though. Was his mother aware of J's HIV status? Has he made any progress? Did you end up having to foreclose on your home? How is Yogi? Could Shawn & Kendyl get any cuter? How is your mom? How are YOU?

Feel free not to publish this comment or even answer me. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your blog & I hope your family is doing well.