Crawford Life & Times

ch....ch....ch....changes

2011-11-28T08:46:00.001-05:00

a few recent pics

2011-10-04T18:41:00.002-04:00

catch up bullet post

2011-09-12T09:15:00.003-04:00

july 2011

Aug. 2011

i can't promise this will be in any kind of order, sorry.

* all the people who pissed me off in April moved out the day after the pot pipe was found. I haven't spoken to any of them since. It's just the 2 of us, and 4 kids now.

* Kristin graduated at UNH with highest honors in May, spent the summer working, Evan was here for most of the summer too. He worked for Yogi for 6 weeks before going on a backpacking trip with friends through Costa Rica, then returning here for just one day. On August 14th, they packed up the Jetta we bought and moved to California. Kris is working at a Domino's Pizza "for the meanest boss she's ever met her life" and going to school in Chico CA.. She has her own place. She's broke but very, very happy. For me, it's just really weird not knowing when I'm going to see her again. She has traveled often, but I always knew WHEN....

* Shawn Alan turned 4 in July, we had a very small party, none of the neighborhood kids were in town, we picked the wrong weekend! But he had fun, My parents both came, which was nice. They only made it because my Mom's back surgery was pushed ahead a few days-it had been scheduled for Shawn's birthday.

* My mom had risky back surgery on July 26th. I say risky because operating on a cardiac patient is never easy. The first 3 days post-op went well, then they sent her over to the re-hab and it all went to hell pretty fast. long story short, they thinned her blood too much, she was bleeding out, then they thickened her blood too much and she ended up with pulmonary clots. She spent a month in the hospital, much of that time in ICU, completely unaware of anything going on. She finally came home and is recovering slowly and is in good spirits, mostly.

* Yogi took a week off in August, the last day being the day Kris left. He hadn't taken time off since Christmas of 2006. I want to lie, and report that the "staycation" was an amazing thrill that none of us will never forget. Truthfully, it was just "ok". there was too much to do, we picked the wrong week. Mom was in ICU the entire time and My sister and I were tag teaming my Mother's dog. Kristin's car needed work, there was so much to do before she left-mostly stuff she needed to do, she's pretty independent, but still. insurance issues, Jack's football paperwork, health forms for football, so much administrative crap.... we ended up spending one nice day at one beach, a rainy evening, an overnight and then a sunny day at a beach in ME. and 3 hours at Water country another day. That was pretty much it. I think we had some take-out and some ice cream cones. we might have seen a movie. I think we did. eh. I GIVE UP. I bought a beautiful new bathing suit though, which avoided repeats of some prior frightening wardrobe malfunctions.

* The plan was to move Jackson into Kristin's room after she moved away. We would take his room and turn it into an office. her room is larger, has a huge closet with shelving, has mirrored closet doors and a full size bed! he had well over 3 months to clean, purge, pack and organize his tiny bedroom for this move. He had a detailed list, written at his his level for reading and development, to assist him with his plan. There was much discussion. he seemed excited, but not motivated. i made it clear that we weren't just packing up and moving a huge trash bag full of junk from one room to another. He would be boxing up clothing and things he didn't want, throwing trash away etc..... MOVE DAY approached. I told him that whichever room was cleaner would be the office for Crawford & Sons Roofing. No more table by the dryer. We'd take either room, no pressure. He did NOTHING. MOVE DAY arrived. He started filling trash bags with clean clothing, dirty clothes, garbage, books and banana peels. i vacuumed Kristin's room, moved the bed away from the wall, (why she parks it there, I have no idea LOL)washed and dried the bedding, covered mattress with plastic sheet, Made the bed, mopped her floor, packed ONE box with almost everything she left behind, moved some things into the basement, moved extra furniture out, hung a Haitian painting and...... WAITED. It looked great in there. perfect teen guy bedroom. "jack! Come see!" I WANTED him to WANT IT bad enough. turn key! move in condition! look how HUGE it is! Look, you can DANCE!! i tried EVERYTHING. He entered, he looked, he danced and checked his look in the cool mirror. He smiled. he packed another trash bag. at 2pm, after he ate lunch, roamed around, goofed off, went off task 311 times...... I went into his room, and I made it clear that he wasn't doing what was asked, but still helped him move some furniture out to the yard(stuff that wouldn't be used in either room, regardless-which was all i was willing to do) my thought was, get stuff out of the kids way, move anything you can to give him space to work and clear his thoughts, without hand holding. At that point, he declared that it was all too hard, would take too long and he was "all done". sporadic, fake effort from 9-2 LOL. WOW. NOTHING is EVER worth it to him. Of course, his PLAN B, to squeeze her bed into his tiny room, was mentioned. NO WAY. I had already told him that wasn't happening, months ago. I was way ahead of him. i shrugged my shoulders, shook my head, and walked away. hey, some furniture he didn't need got moved out anyway. I was/am HONESTLY disappointed. i then took Kristin's bed apart, spent the next 24 hours moving our basement office up to her room and its AWESOME! We are so happy. It ticked him off, but i just said "see what EFFORT can do? this room could be ALL YOURS!" and left it at that. It may seem harsh, but his boss at work isn't going to say "eh, I'll just do it for you, baby." I realize that he may not have been capable of the entire process, start to finish, but i would have jumped in at the end if i saw ONE BIT of effort on his part. EVERYONE knows that. He was testing me, to see if I'd really do what I did, I think. He's just so low functioning -although it seems SO SELECTIVE-and we really think there's some Fetal Alcohol factoring in here, Ive been doing LOTS of research. That's a post for another day, but malnutrition and HIV are just the tip of his developmental ice burg. Anyway, having a real office, free of spiders, each with our own workspace, has been a huge blessing. family files, client files, all organized with a system in place. LOVE IT. I feel so much more at ease, now that things are being taken care of properly, everything at my fingertips. I'm really managing things now, business and personal, with sooo much less stress on a daily basis. SPACE is a good thing. Kristin cannot stand Jackson, he has used the older kids up, so badly, for 8 years, she simply has NO feelings for him whatsoever, so she's so psyched that we got "the big room". We actually do not need quite this much space and we hardly touched the closet, so Jack's room was big enough. Jack could have really used a bigger bed. siigghhhh.

* school finally started on Sept. 1st. Jackson is floating around, now in high school, anxious as ever, can't find his way around, teachers don't believe it half the time, I've had 2 meetings so far. He's having psych testing again to finally code him EH so he can receive more and better services. It's such a long story, but I really kick myself for not pushing harder for a 1 on 1 assistant, back in 1st grade, when he spoke no English, fell asleep at lunch, and peed in the hallways. why didn't they OFFER IT? I will talk more about that if I ever feel like it.

* Kendyl loves 1st grade and hasn't peed in any hallways :) Shawn Alan loves pre-K 4. No longer pooping his pants. HA!

* Yogi has re curring eczema. It's TERRIBLE and started with some bee stings. weird.

* electric fence is no match for the coon hound, another long story not worth telling. He's way too intelligent and active. DRIVEN. I take him running with me every night now that it's cooler, no excuses. he loves it but it's such a huge workout and a huge P.I.TA. run training takes time and patience I don't often possess LOL..... But he needs the outlet, and It makes me run, even if I've already worked out that day.

* Koty, the 7 year old lab, got a corn cob stuck in his intestines back in may. 3k to save his sorry arse. no lie. I'm on a payment plan but I never pay. Because of this, other dog still has testicles until Koty's bill is paid. I still owe about 1k. take a number.

Doug is doing well. He buckled down, got back on his Seroquell, takes it consistently, and is now (usually) a pleasure to be around. he had to face hard facts about himself. He NEEDS this drug. I don't care what anyone says, POT AINT ENOUGH. Without this prescription drug he cannot live with others or form or maintain real relationships. He becomes irrational, impossible to have a conversation with, dwells on the DISTANT past, spews venom... it's hard to describe. this generation of, "well, I like pot so I'll just self medicate with that!" is a load of BS. BUT, I know he's still doing that too. Baby steps.(and this is my biological child, so these things are hard for ME to accept too. My X husband has the same issues, after 4 years, he had to GO) He's working for Yogi full time, and living in the basement. He has friends. Ben is home from *BAND CAMP, so all is well.

* My Ben is home from *BAND CAMP!

* Shawn Alan's birth mom is home from *BAND CAMP too! we will go see her in early October :)

* I am doing great. Still working out. i run, row, lift weights, climb stairs and ride the bike almost every day. i still wear an 8-10, 36D(from a 44D at my fattest!) but i weigh about 5 lbs more, i think. I think i weigh about 165 or something. I have so much muscle it's not funny. My shoulders are immense. My legs are still fat, but lots of muscle hiding underneath! I've been lifting weights for 14 mos., running for 22 mos. i also LOVE rowing and cycling. I gave up swimming-HATED IT. faced it. moved on. I'm learning to play racquetball and hoping to learn more new things this year. I love managing our company, I am really strong, can do so many things I never thought i could/would and I'm really happy with myself, overall. Sometimes, EVERYTHING hurts or aches, sometimes nothing hurts, sometimes, areas hurt long term, but then suddenly heal and never hurt again.....but long term pain & injuries are part of it. when I was fat, everything hurt too! I use lots of ice, and I take so much Motrin, I'm waiting for my liver to fall out at a party.
"Oh my god! gross! what is THAT??"

"oh, sorry, that's my liver, oops. my bad."

* In closing......Summer is over, school is back in session, although I was in no hurry. I'm not like other Moms, I guess. But life is good. We are happy. Marriage is solid. (Damn, he's still so HOT to me! HA!)Can't complain! I just want to see the beach one more time. I've been hinting.

I will try to catch up on YOUR blogs now!

*WAR

i might...

2011-09-11T16:44:00.000-04:00

blog again, but who would see it? who still checks in here?

somebody pushed the REPEAT button instead of the EASY button

2011-04-13T15:35:00.004-04:00

Same story as always................ Everything is OUR fault. No surprise there! WE didn't do enough. WE should have told them we wanted A, B or C. WE should have asked for A, B & C. THEY were trying SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. THEY meant to(fill in blank). THEY forgot to(fill in blank). THEY didn't mean to (fill in blank) .WE didn't give THEM enough time, help, money, leeway, freedom, support, credit, pats on the back, space.....blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh. THEY can't pay rent because A, B & C happened BUT IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT! THEY can't find work/jobs because of A, B & C, but IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT! It's AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL us. All. Of. IT. The free rides/car didn't help. The cheap rent didn't help. the free cell phone must not have helped either, but that phone is missing, along with one of the 2 sets of keys to the car we bought just 2 weeks ago. The car WE do not drive. The support didn't help. SO....Go smoke your pot, go sleep all day, go party all night, go keep telling yourselves that you're trying, but the world is against you and all are out to get you. Because, THAT will surely help! oh- i almost forgot: Dad, you were right. again. don't rub it in, ok? love, alison

pimps, pot pipes & other paraphernalia

2011-04-12T14:37:00.002-04:00

look what Kendyl found on the trampoline! can you say ALL DONE PLAYING NICE?????

just a recent post-run pic

2011-04-08T19:34:00.003-04:00

this was taken last night, after my first run in my new 47$ Under Armor running bra. the bra is worth 2 thousand dollars, i discovered. eased my suffering in a way i cannot describe.

anyway, i see changes-small ones, but i see 'em! pectorals especially.

i'm playing on Yogi's MAC book air right now. the coon hound chewed through the power cord to my laptop. twice. why can't he just go chase some raccoons? yogi has way cool photo editing stuff on his mac, i love it! i can remove that ugly birthmark on my face. POOF!

i'll try to write more tomorrow, shawn alan is still sick, i must go now. basketball tournamnet in Boston all weekend too.

for real?

2011-04-04T19:33:00.004-04:00

restaurant pic

pile of sick people

I've been doin' this job since I was 19 yee-uhs old. I'm no newbie. There are days I feel like I've got it together. By together, I mean that everyone is happy, contributing, getting along... GELLED. Things are organized. no big surprises. there are also days I feel like I'm drowning in a murky sea of starving, under water zombies. (ever heard of 'em? GOOGLE it! just kidding.) This last week or so? ZOMBIE CITY. These kids have run up one side O me and down the other to the point where I'm either waking up in a pool of sweat & dry heaves with anxiety riddled nightmares, suffering total insomnia altogether, or i find myself completely removing myself from life, not answering my phone, seeing NOBODY outside these 4 walls and isolating myself in my bedroom, armed only with a bucket of kettle corn, my music, my laptop and an intense case of Screw It All disease. If there was a treadmill in there, I'd never come out at all. Thankfully, those times are few & far between(kinda) and I end up back in -it- to -win -it within a few days. right now? HARD.

DISCLAIMER: I am about to bitch, moan & whine. I might even UglyFaceCry a little bit. log out if you don't wanna hear it!

* the honeymoon is SOOOOOOOOOOO over. nobody is helping or contributing. I cook alone, fold clothes alone, clean house alone and just DO.IT.ALL. begging gets old.

* Doug, in particular, is hateful, scornful, negative, vengeful, EXPLOSIVE and downright ugly to be around. Between his 3rd shift hours, not being allowed to drive, being away from Kayleigh and being broke(and owing EVERYBODY money!), he is just.no.fun.at.all. why type out the details? waste of time and energy.

* Kristin is not the least bit excited about the car. She's so used to things being ruined by her siblings & pseudo siblings, she just refuses to let her guard down and be happy about a free car. She puts up HUGE HUGE walls. I give up. We went up to UNH to see her yesterday, we took her out to dinner for her Birthday, which was great. I guess I just won't bring up the car in conversation anymore. On a happy note-she wrote an INCREDIBLE short story for a class, I wish you could read it! hmmmm let me work on that! She can e mail it to me. I can cut & paste, I'm amazing like that.

* Jackson did not want to go to UNH with us. he wanted to sit home alone and forage through our things all day. So...... he made the entire visit as uncomfortable and RAD sprinkled as possible. we ignored. we smiled. RAD did not win. how can a Haitian teenager not be thrilled with Cajun shrimp dinner? ~~jackass.~~ I'm lettin' him have that one. Today, after school, when he was #regulated# and coming off a good time with his friends, I asked him why he'd been so hell bent on ruining the entire day -for everyone-yesterday. I got the proverbial "I dunno" with the standard over exaggerated shrug and teen angst eye roll. I told him that's the only one he gets for the month. he said OK. Movin' on.

*I hate the IRS.

* Never trust an 8 month old puppy to behave in your absence.

* never trust men in their early 20's to put a puppy in a crate when they leave the house-even if they promised.

* my truck clearly needs work

* Yogi's truck-Stella the roofing truck- clearly needs work

* the new car clearly needs a tiny bit of work

* the IRS needs work

* Shawn Alan is still not feeling well. he needs some work lol(prednisone!)

* a puke virus hit Kendyl & me. Kendyl was the sicker one.

* while still recovering from the pukes, Kendyl slipped on a snowbank(yup! we still have 'em! wanna talk about it? didn't think so.) and landed VERY HARD on her rear end, bruising her tailbone. This was on Saturday and she's still pretty miserable. She went to school today and sat on the cushy chair usually sat in by the student picked for "Star Of The Week". Somebody got hosed lol

* Did i mention how badly the IRS sucks?

* I miss J.G.R. I wanna go to Texas to hang with my favorite girl. Too bad the IRS has their head so far up it's a&%@#$)*$%&^$@##!!!!!!

* I'd love a vacation. Just Yogi & Me. SOMEDAY!

ok, whine fest over. Back to Glass-half-full Me. Ready.......GO.

I FORGOT!

2011-03-28T23:07:00.001-04:00

this week's installment of Same Ol' Shit Sunday! http://crawfordlifetimes.blogspot.com/2010/04/lessons-ive-learned-lately-by-ali.html

too busy to talk about cheese!

2011-03-28T22:13:00.004-04:00

LATE UPDATE: Wall-E has been found! Konor found him in Kristin's closet the morning after this post was written PHEW! He's safe in his cage :)

No, I don't ever talk about cheese, I just wanted to get your attention. HA! Sorry, I've been absent all week but crap on a cracker, life is busy! And Chaotic. ShawnAlan has pneumonia, Doug & Jenny both got FULL TIME JOBS(one all day, the other, all night), Konor has an interview where jenny was hired, and our hamster, Wall-E, is missing. Yup, you heard it here first, folks. my Wolly Pog is GONE. He escaped from his ~~house of horrors~~ cage 2 nights ago and hasn't returned. I am beyond devastated, but I haven't given up yet. Our friend Jesse, from Critter Control is gonna help us find him before he dies of dehydration or TheDogYankedMyHeadOff disease. We still have hope.

I will update later on this week.

What else? oh- just yesterday we bought a black, 2000 VW Jetta for ALL the oldest kids to share. I forget how many of them there are... 4 or 5 older kids i think. Hoping they don't kill each other. I wish I had a cool "you're gonna shit when you hear this!" story to go along with this announcement, but, so far, I don't. But....give me a few days! you KNOW the shit's gonna hit the fan any minute, right? I know!

Konor doesn't believe me when I tell him I will totally write a funny song about Levi getting his balls professionally lobbed off next week, and put it on here for the entire free world to read- but YOU believe me, don't you? Remember The Pot Song? about my niece smokin' too much reefer? i will write about pretty much anything that's on my mind.

i bettuh go, i was up too late last night watching The Fighter with Yogi. It was good but i have to ask.. WHAT ACCENT??????????????? HA! and I am SO HUNGRY!!!!! I should go hunt for Wall-e too, while he's likely awake and looking for snacks. And I need to ice the sore shoulder i wrecked in the weight room yesterday(UGH)

love all 7 of you!!!! ps. YOGI SNORES REALLY LOUD -Al

things are heating up...

2011-03-21T14:35:00.004-04:00

with my RAD son, that is. he didn't show up to serve either of the 2 detentions, so now he has 2 more, with the principal. Kendyl was thrown off a bed a week ago. Then Shawn Alan was pitched off a bed. he hurts them, then quickly sits in a chair across the room and says ARE YOU OK????????????? never anything serious, but just enjoys making them cry, so that chaos will ensue. they tell me everything. he gets so pissed when I dont flip out. He's doing this to "get me back" for taking away his cell phone. So... now he cannot be allowed in my bedroom-since he likes to throw toddlers off my high boy bed- and he cannot be left alone in any room that the 3&6 year old are in, without an adult. He now has no TV(got rid of the only TV in the main part of the house back in june), he has no computer access-cannot be trusted due to his porn addiction and stalking people on facebook- an account we knew nothing about. a kid at school set it all up and when he was caught, and the account was deleted, the kid just went home and set it up a second time. i called the school. kid was punished, but I'm sure Jack has another FB account under an assumed name (lisa marie duclos? john spam headwink?)by now. what the hell can I do about it?- no cell phone, no I Pod(more porn issues) no other media access(again...porn) and, as of 10 minutes ago-no stereo. i took it since he didn't bother to serve his detentions. I can tell he's really heating up, since he's not getting his way, and he could get very violent, very soon. I'm ready. bring it.

Same Ol Sh*t Sunday

2011-03-19T22:05:00.002-04:00

On Sundays I plan to re-post some of my very favorite blog entries from the past. It's fun -for me anyway-to look back and read what was going on in my life. Here's your first one!
Thursday, June 26, 2008ninnies, ninnies, ninnies!!!!

brain dump

2011-03-19T20:50:00.004-04:00

Between Courtney's baby shower and basketball tournament games all day, I missed my chance to run at the Y before they closed. I don't often run outdoors ~~because I'm a major pussy~~ because it's harder on my very old bones, but tonight, I just felt like it for some reason. guilt? addiction? Whatever the reason, and why over-think it anyway?-It was the best run I've had in months. It's funny-when you run in high temperatures, it seems so easy at first, then you want to DIE within 7 minutes. In colder temperatures, it's terrible at first, but then you warm up and it feels amazing! You also don't get so thirsty. I only ran 3 miles, since that's what I told everyone here I was doing and they'd panic if I didn't return on time, but I felt like I could run forever-which NEVER.EVER.HAPPENS. There were so many stars and the moon was so huge and low, it was like I could reach out and grab it. think "Dispicable Me"! Most houses I passed had motion sensing lights that flashed on as I ran by. I kept thinking about how much I hope I never feel like we need those. We have them, but only because the prior owners installed them. I don't want to need them. sorry for the random thought. Anyway, I had my blinking lights on for safety, my favorite music in my ears(Keane) and my scattered, racing thoughts. I tried not to think about the mess back at the house, the fact that I over ate today at the shower and then ate the take-out Yogi ordered, the TWO detentions Jackson earned at school this past week for "wandering the building" or the fact that the scale won't budge. Maybe that third flight out the 3rd story window busted it for good, huh? It couldn't possibly be the take-out LOL. I also tried not to think about the list of my missing items, such as my brand new pair of jeans, hooded running jacket, the engagement ring Yogi surprised me with in 1993(it fits me again!), 2 pair of weight lifting shoes and my prescription exzema medication. I am the QUEEN of losing stuff. my Nike sportsband watch was missing for 4 days, I found it tonight, under the seat of my truck. siiggghh. ADHD? what's that? HA! When I got back to the house, I asked Jacky to take a picture of me, just so you could share in my happy state of mind at that very moment. He cut the top of my head off, but the grin tells it all, I think. I love the new ME . Aren't you glad you stopped by? I AM!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-16T15:52:00.002-04:00

feb. 2011

family update

2011-03-15T21:00:00.004-04:00

Spring Break! Kristin came home for less than 48 hours, and then flew to CA and is safe in the arms of the cutest boy i know. well, one of them, anyway. It makes me smile just knowing that they're together. I'm truly a hopeless romantic, i know.
Doug is single. Kayleigh and Doug just cannot get along. She moved out. Mutual agreement. i miss her though. He seems ok, so far. Doug has an interview at a factory tomorrow. pleeeaaaaassseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Jenny & Konor are doing well, but still haven't found jobs, so they can't pay rent. Jenny got a job at Target, but we haven't heard if she passed the drug test yet, which is obviously questionable.
Jackson is either practicing or playing in basketball playoff games every.single.night and aaaaaalll weekend every weekend, since he's on 3 teams. He actually stayed home from school sick yesterday! A rarity for him. Seems fine today and played well tonight-lost by 10. bummed. so...CYO season is over. he finally handed me his progress report tonight, hes had it since the 8th. I waited him out. all B's & C's. he's maintaining-with LOTS of ~~hand holding~~support by assistants and teachers. He still has his cell phone and hasn't caused ~~any~~ much trouble with it. He did really well while I was gone and gave me a big hug and a smile when I got home. I'm trying to just enjoy the good stuff. He's also dancing constantly, but doesn't want to go to a dance class or anything. boy, can he dance!
Kendyl can read well beyond a kindergarten level and loves books, just like Krstin did at her age. She loves being able to read anything she can get her hands on. She especially likes the American Girl series, and like her sister, loves Addy the best. She still enjoys being read to, so Daddy is happy with that. Her childhood sure is going by fast though. geesh. She's also riding without training wheels. What next? she is still the most easy going little thing, she's such a positive thinker and is the most enthusiastic child I've ever met. she just makes everybody happy. such a zest for life.
ShawnAlan is doing so much better this winter. last year was sucky. the at-home nebulizer machine has been a GOD SEND and has kept him out of the Doctor's office the entire season. He is so driven and determined it boggles the mind. He's so clever and coordinated too. he swims independently, loves being under water, and is ready to dump his training wheels too. hes THREE! where did my baby go? He knows he's from Arkansas and is proud to tell anybody who asks, "I'm from Arkansas! I'm a razorback!" He knows he grew in "She She's" tummy and that he has a baby brother named jakob. He knows she's off fighting the war and thinks she's pretty cool. too cute. He enjoys visiting them, she may be home by November(jake is turning 2 tomorrow and is staying at his Father's house at Ft. Drum). Shawn loves pre school and is the only lefty in his class. He seems proud of this. His best friend's name is Bryce. He's still very shy but warms up after a while. He starts gymnastics next session at the YMCA. I figured if he can do headstands & triple flips on the trampoline, he might as well be a gymnast! He also still has a bottle. i know, i know. *shrug* hey, it's better than reefer.
is that everyone?
Yogi is doing great. he had a way better winter this year too. not one sinus infection or anything more than a bad cold. work is busy!
I am stuck and cant seem to lose the last 20 lbs, but, other than that, I'm fine and had the best winter I've had in years, healthwise. My goal for the spring is to learn to play raquetball. wanna teach me? i gave up the whole swimming thing. i just hate it and got sick of fighting that fact. YUCK. It's gross.
sorry this post was so lame and boring. I will try harder next time!
is this faunt hard to read? let me know!

The C word

2011-03-13T16:18:00.003-04:00

COMMITMENT, that is.

I run every day. Well, almost every day, but that's not the point, and, as a side note, my level of commitment to running is rocky, at best. I get lost in thought when I run. In fact, when I shared with a personal trainer that I come up with writing ideas and blog material during my run, but then can't remember them afterwards, he suggested that I run intervals and write things down between intervals while I catch my breath. Sorry for the extra -& pointless- detail, but I thought some background might be helpful if you are new to my bloggy life. So..... I've been doing that a bit and I've noticed that I have so much clarity in my thoughts during that time of oxygen overload. I also feel sappy & tearful sometimes, but that's another blog post in itself. So- back to the subject at hand:

Something happened during my weekend in Orlando, and although I had played out several possible "this is how it will be" scenarios in my mind during the weeks prior to the trip, this one came out of left field, and I wasn't prepared at all. Let me back up just one more time and tell you that Jackson has been home for over 7 years now, and during the first 4 of those, I would have happily sent him packing 5 out of every 7 days. I'm talking DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON YOUR WAY OUT! kind of stuff, and I really mean that. BUT, every time he went to camp, I missed the kid. I did. And, for me, that is what kept hope for the future alive in my heart and mind. This weekend in Orlando I met Moms who had fought like hell for their children. Fought for their own safety & sanity, the safety of their RAD child and the safety & happiness of the rest of their family-and lost. Not every child can be saved in this whole RAD mess, and not ONE of these women let go easily, or just gave up. Every single Mom tried so hard and is so sad-devastated-that they could not save the family they had worked so hard to build, and keep it the way it was. The weekend away solidified the feelings I knew were there, but had questioned over and over, in my own head. Jackson is staying. I'm NEVER going to give up on him. I plan to fight harder for ~~psychiatric medication~~what he needs. i still despise clinical therapy, but I plan to take advantage of that(round 6!), as well as other services that have presented themselves. I plan to tell him I love him every day and be more.. I don't know. PRESENT. Be BETTER. I'm COMITTED. I realized this weekend how much I truly love this ~~boy~~ young man, miss him when we are apart, and really care about what happens to him down the rocky, HIV/RAD road he has to travel. Call it a renewed energy, of sorts. I'm still in. He's worth it. No more doubts. Remind me I wrote this when it gets ugly, ok?

The F Word

2011-03-12T14:59:00.002-05:00

FAITH, that is.

FAITH was a topic of conversation over my Orlando weekend. In my villa alone, we had a practicing Mormon, 3 agnostics, a catholic, an atheist -or 2, 2 other deep Christians(for lack of a more appropriate term.. "evangelical"??) and i think we even had what some would call MODGE PODGE. Not that any of us seemed concerned, we all got along and had fun, but it made me wonder how it would have played out LONG TERM. Me? I label myself A Watered Down Christian. I happen to be someone who thinks non-Christians, complete non-believers, and believers of...well... whatever, can be fantastic parents. gay men and women, in my opinion, can be wonderful parents. I don't see good parenting as a One Size Fits All endeavor. That being said, I've certainly seen some extremes that I don't necessarily agree with, but all in all, I take a Live & Let Live stance on families. Call me a pacifist-go ahead. Call me a watered down pacifist-that's ok too. I have HUGE shoulders(don't believe me? i took pictures of them. back track and see!) I can take it. A distant family member recently sent out a *KoobFace message that took the stance of "no foster child should ever be placed in a home where the parents aren't uber Christian". That just DOES NOT sit right with me. I even had the urge to take the AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU???? position with that person, but replied gently. That person chose to ignore. Good choice. Why have a pissing contest on *KoobFace anyway? Anyway, I just spent 4 days, in a Villa, with 67 other Moms, all of different regional backgrounds, races(well...it was pretty light skinned, overall, to be honest)religious preferences and lifestyles and it was ALL GOOD. Ya think that kind of tolerance could go global?????????? EMBRACE OUR DIFFERENCES!!!!

ORLANDO, BABY!!!!

2011-03-09T20:00:00.006-05:00

my bed

we table danced

we hung out with belly dancers

we played with napkins

we went swimming and soaking

we laughed. in our PJ's. A LOT!

did I mention the napkins?

our group- minus 3 who were in another car :(

we ran in hot weather-just for fun

we represented New England

I don't even know where to start, for starters. Well, whaddaya know? i already sound stupid! GAH! Ok, seriously though....I was terrified at first. I had only met a tiny handful of the Moms who I'd be ~~drinking~~staying with-and by handful, i mean the kind of handful they're talking about when they say, "you can eat a handful of these cocoa dusted almonds as a healthy, protein enriched, post-run snack." That kind of handful, incase you are not up to speed with that sort of thing, is about 7 almonds in total. And that kind of handful leaves me feeling pretty empty. Several (ok.. a handful) of Moms pushed me to go anyway, even as the number of women attending climbed and climbed as the weeks leading up to the retreat shrunk and shrunk. I knew the trip would be so beneficial to me and I even felt like I might have something to offer in the whole thing-although I, to this day, couldn't specify exactly what that would be. I bit the bullet and booked myself a slot in what would turn out to be, what my kids would call, EPIC. Truth? I hardly left my villa. I hardly mingled. I hardly traveled. I hardly participated, in the great scheme of things. I enjoyed every.single.second of it. I was downright lazy. I observed, took photos of other Moms, floated in our heated pool, enjoyed the warm weather(i hated being indoors for even 5 minutes!), ran a few miles, read magazines i had overpaid for at the airport in Baltimore, made a total mess of my room(sorry M4M!), barely cleaned up, didn't change the toilet paper roll(sorry Rose!)ignored my greasy hair, ate too much, ate too much, ate waaaay too much.... uh...you get the idea. I met some wonderful women. Women who have had their teeth knocked out, their eyes blackened, their chins scarred, their hearts broken, their self esteem flattened, their needs ignored, their marriages tested, their families destroyed, their homes lit on fire-all by their RAD/previously traumatized & neglected, TERRIFIED children.. yet, still just keep on keepin' on and even reach out to help others who walk in their shoes. A term I heard repeatedly over the weekend was ROCK STAR. I couldn't agree more. I met some strong(and some so young!) Moms. All of them who foster, adopt or in one way or another raise children who don't/didn't love them back. I was hugged, recognized(so weird and surreal!) and hugged again by complete strangers who treated me like they'd known me all my life, and I tried -which wasn't hard to do-to treat them the same way. I learned alot about "The system". I also learned that my life IS NOT HARD, which, I must admit, I already knew. So many have it so much tougher. Jack is healing. I am healing. He is, what they refer to in the RAD parenting jargon world, as regulated most of the time. My family is safe and intact. I work from home. I have a fantastic spouse who loves to cook, clean, help and be Dad/mentor/taxi/scapegoat/fixer of all broken stuff. NOPE-I didn't dance on the table at the greek restaurant, I didn't go to Downtown Disney, I didn't touch a single drop of alcohol, I somehow missed the trip to the tattoo parlor.. but it's all good. I LIVED. i absolutely LOVE my housemates. I met "Rocky" 's Mom(she's not a celeb to me, she's just my son's orphanage friend's Mom, and he needed a Mom like her to save his heart, so I love her) I met some other special people, and they know who they are, and i slept a bit. I slept next to an open window too. i know, right?????? It made my year, and I cannot wait to go back and do it all over again-and more. I might even ~~booze it up~~ get dressed next time! Thank you, Corey. It was perfect in every way possible. You did it! YOU ROCK. Rest easy, my friend.

a boy & his dog

2011-02-06T19:02:00.002-05:00

things are so fanstastic!

2011-02-03T15:39:00.006-05:00

NOT sarcasm!

i know, i know, all 7 of you want me to post more often and have it NOT be "all biceps and calories" i hear ya! i will not talk about diet or exercise for the next.. i dont know.. week?

YES, i am going on the Orlando RAD Retreat with Corey and 60 other Moms. i am rooming with Mothering4Money and 3 other blogger Moms of RAD kids who ~~want to tear out all their hair~~ really need support and my goal is to do very little and not wear much clothing for 4 days. It's hard for me to get away, but I have it all worked out and Yogi and crew are prepared. what's that you ask? "what crew?" oh... you've missed so much. there are 8 "kids" here again, it's going well. kristin(almost 22, senior in college an hour away, home on long weekends this semester, no classes on fridays now), Konor(20) Doug(20) Jenny(my niece, almost 20) Kayleigh(19) Jackson (around 15) Kendyl, (now 6!) and Shawn Alan (now 3.5). Uncle Tim, AKA Uncuh/Gunkuh moved out a few weeks ago, after more than 2 years with us, to live with his niece an hour away. It's still tight, but much better now, since Tim was in a large basement bedroom that we NEED for kids. a place for them to sleep and make noise.

There is no way i can backtrack and really catch you up to speed on the last 3 mos. but the condensed version is that Doug was sent home from Iraq after 3 weeks because he had pot in his urine(humiliating? only to us, i guess) Jenny needs a place to go, so does her Fiance' Konor. Kayleigh's parents lost their house and are in a tiny mobile home that she can't fit in and the rest are ours anyway(including Doug)so we have to keep them. HA! GUESS HOW MANY OF THEM ARE EMPLOYED. I DARE YOU! the winner gets a prize.

Yogi is wonderful, as usual. supportive of my endeavors, loving, kind, respectful and downright amazing in every way. he's doing lots of roof shoveling and ice-dam-removal this month, we have 12 foot snowbanks out there! up to 3 feet on many rooves(roofs?) he has cleaned. it pays well. he's also doing lots of indoor painting, basement re finishing, remodeling, repairs, cabinet installation etc......he's staying busy this winter, for sure. people dig him and hire him over & over. He's so good to all these kids it makes my head spin, too. A+.

Kendyl LOVES Kindergarten and Shawn loves pre-school.

Kristin is in her final semester here at UNH. then she is moving to California to do grad school. her wonderful boyfriend, who she met while studying abroad in Costa Rica a year ago, lives out there and she has visited him there twice, he just came here for 10 days, and they are making it work until august when they can be together full time. i cannot even describe how much I adore him. dimples. plays guitar & piano. sings. did i mention the dimples? he's only a month older than kris. gonna be an engineer or something. i wasn't listening when he told me, because i was distracted by his dimples and guitar playing and singing.

I adopted a beagle 4 weeks ago. hes 6 mos. old now and his name is Levi. he chews things but i love him and so does Dakotah.

Doug & Kayleigh continue to work hard on goal setting, effective communication, positive body language and other social and independent living skills. they are learning that relationships are hard work, and there is a lot more to it than just playing house. Doug continues to smoke reefer off the premises. I give up.

Jenny & Konor continue to work hard at getting their lives in order, proving themselves to their families and each other, setting goals and letting go of old baggage/the past in order to live a better, more positive life once they're married. Jenny and Konor continue to smoke reefer off the premises. I give up.

My sister continues to recover from her accident in August. You can read about that here. She has physical therapy, but also accompanies me to the YMCA about 4 days per week where she swims, cycles, strength trains and hangs out in the hot tub afterwards.. She can walk, and she's losing her limp, but struggles with pain every single day. She's up and down. it's a long process. She has a great attitude though, so that certainly helps.

Jackson? he's growing up in many ways, regressing some other ways. i left him for last because he's the most... wordy update. In basketball he has shown amazing growth. he "gets it" now, as far as memorization, carrying out the plays etc... he doesnt just rely on natural skills anymore. he plays on 2 teams(he made the school team, but we pulled him after the 3rd week. a story for another day!) and made the All Star team for both teams, so we are BUSY!. He's so fun to watch. the boy's got SKEELZ!

school? a huge struggle that I stay out of. want the phone? get all C's and above. if ya don't-forget it. it's all in your hands, kid.I'm movin' on. I don't get overly involved in the school thing. I just can't. sue me. he spends most of the day in the resource room. C's are not out of his reach!

i have caught him gently torturing the puppy 3 times. i have chatted with him 3 times. he found someone weaker than he is to torment. If i catch him again, i will call the police about it. they get it(finally). i will have him arrested for animal cruelty. I don't mess around and he might as well learn that since it's been over 7 years.

that may not be everything, but i must go cook a ham and potatoes. miss you all, feel free to friend me on facebook though! Alison L Maker Crawford

my sister made me post these!

2011-01-23T14:01:00.003-05:00

jan. 18th-down about 82lbs!

jan 15th

jan 4th(looked better the prior month-not doing enough upper body weight training)

dec 4th

2010-11-25T20:46:00.001-05:00

down 77 lbs!

i should update on my RADling, but it would take forever i'm just not interested enough to type it all out. all the other kids are well and safe. Happy Thanksgiving to you all! sorry i'm such a dud of a blogger, I don't sit down very much anymore!

progress pics

2010-11-04T14:59:00.003-04:00

nov. 4th i don't see much of a change in these last 4 weeks :( a bit more bicep maybe?

oct. 4th

aug.4th

RAD kids and priviledges

2010-10-30T10:41:00.003-04:00

RANDOM HAIRCUT PHOTO FROM 2 WEEKS AGO. no reason.

the subject line alone makes my skin crawl. part of me says, "ha! why should they have ANY priviledges? all they do is make us miserable! on purpose even!" but that's immature and babyish thinking, I suppose.
grounding kids indefinately, however, just screws the rest of us, which is clearly unfair. We all need a life! I gave Jack his bike 2 nights ago. told him he had until 5:15(instead of the usual 5pm). he showed up at 5:50. he sure puts the F U in FUN, doesn't he? when i asked him why he was 40 minutes late, he answered, "how should i know what time it is? you won't give me my cell phone!" ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! he claims Deklan doesn't have one either. LIAR. I ignored it and moved on. i'll throw him a 5$ watch but he'll still screw it up intentionally to show me HE IS THE BOSS.
the very next day I allowed him to ride his bike to the football game. we drove out to UNH to get Kristin last night. game was still going on when we drove by afterwards at 9:30, so we didn't panic when he wasn't at the house. He supposedly had a ride home with Amanda. He strolled in at 11:30 and had ridden his bike home. black bike. black kid. black jacket, shoes and hat. smart kid. smart, smart kid. claims "Amanda forgot him". sure, she did. Amanda went home when it was done and you wanted to screw around for another couple hours.
he's just not strong enough to handle any priviledges or any rules. can't have one without the other so i guess it's barbies and train sets with the babies for him this winter. i need SOME SLEEP.

foto friday

2010-10-29T06:48:00.002-04:00

Monday Madness

2010-10-25T15:47:00.004-04:00

cool huh?

he even smiled for me!

what can i say? i love food!

SASSY

Yogi with our Pseudo Grandbaby, Amelia. shes Korey lee's baby, born in late August. can you say SMITTEN? he so adores her.

me at the 73 lb mark. week 47.

weird kids

Jackson's idea of "using a can opener". this made me cry.

a side trip on the way to pick up Kristin at UNH this past Friday.

the more things change, the more they stay the same...

2010-10-10T17:11:00.003-04:00

or, more aptly titled, "this is bullshit".

ya thought the cutesy note on the paper plate changed anything? nah, he's actually lied, stolen and been sneaky more since then, than ever before, it's just that he's clearly more attatched while doing it, is all. In fact, we've noticed this creepy "after euphoria" after he's done something and not gotten caught. it's just as annoying as the "oh, shit. i got caught" silent treatment, just incase you were wondering. just in these last few weeks alone he has:
1. stolen and sprayed 70% of the contents of Kristin's Tommy Girl perfume. yah, it clearly says GIRL on the bottle, but, no bother, it also says TOMMY, so it must be FOR HIM to steal and spray on a daily basis until empty.
2. stolen Kristin's pillow because it "looked soft". the pillow, for the record, was NOT soft, nor lofty in Kristin's opinion and she is completely disgusted with him. I can't lock her bedroom door while she's away at UNH because the cat lives/eats/drinks from a high shelf in there so that the dog doesn't eat cat food (or eat the cat herself). Any ideas, RAD Mama's?
3. been caught fully dressed, shoes and all, at 230 am, standing in Kristin's room, looking at himself in her mirrored closet doors while picking his hair and "seeing how clothes looked on him". can you say HIGH DOSES OF KLONOPIN????(sp)
4. 10 year old neighbor didn't know any better and let the cat out of the bag that he saw jack at the football game Friday night. funny thing- jackson said he was "tired" and crashed at 730. I left for the Y, he snuck out while Yogi read stories to the little ones and attended the football game, then walked right through the door at midnight like nothing was amiss. nobody saw him but Kristin who had no clue he had been out. I would have let him go, but i would have picked him up at 9. I guess midnight sounded better. ~~ass.~~ I knew he was acting strange(pre F -Up euphoria) but i figured he'd stolen another I Pod/cell phone/belt/wad of cash and I JUST COULDN'T CARE at that moment. The next day, before he was caught, he acted bizarre. offering to help, kissing up, playing with the kids, not leaving my side... all that RAD, creepy, "PLEASE CATCH ME!" stuff. I knew he'd done something, but I didn't know what til the neighbor came over and blew it for him. DUH. He still gets caught, even when my husband and I are too ~~sick of this kid~~tired to be smart or ~~give a flying fart~~ be concerned about what he does. We need to have lives too, to a point, anyway. We have given up on trying to police every.single. thing.he.does.
5. stolen an I Pod. Einstein still won't give up where it came from so I cannot return it. it's an older one, a 2 gig without the power to load porn, atleast. slow clap!
6. stolen jeans. no idea. but they're tiny.
7. stolen cologne. no idea.
8. been wearing a strangers shoes. no idea. but they are 5 sizes too small, so some dwarf in his gym class is missing a nice pair o' kicks, (and maybe some jeans, an I Pod, a cell phone and a "really fly"belt!)i guess.
9. refused to give field trip paperwork to teachers because I noted that I wanted to chaperone. I wanted to go hike Mt. Monadnock, damnit!
10. stopped bathing and wearing clean clothes-again. letting this one go. I LOVE PEERS.
11. started up with the ticking/obsessive repeating again. again-PEERS.
12. borrowed huge knives
13. stolen Kristin's skinny jeans. she found out when, while in class, found Jackson's hall pass(unwashed) in her own pocket! ? "they looked skinny". ok, weirdo. did i mention her disgust?

so.... i wanted to post today, just incase some of you were concerned that Jack was making too much progess and were feeling down that you aren't an amazing RAD Mom like I am. don't worry. I suck too. don't fret. the Crazo Meter still goes almost alllll the way up, every day.

ps. i wear size 10 jeans. don't be jealous :)

progress pics...

2010-10-04T20:54:00.001-04:00

August 4th(week 2)

October 4th(week 11 or maybe 12, i dont know)

I SEE IT! can you?

mmmmmmmmmm

2010-09-30T20:19:00.000-04:00

PROGRESS???

2010-09-28T12:31:00.004-04:00

he wrote this on the 18th. i just can't bear to throw it away, for some reason. is it the word LOVE, used in a sentence? the smiley face? the proper usage of apostrophe's and correct spelling? no idea. i just want it. forever.
is it merely classic teenage sucking up? a real note? WHO CARES????????????????????????

trying..

2010-09-26T08:16:00.004-04:00

fun playhouse we are taking from a property we're re habing. a towing company is bringing it over after we set a slab. needs a tiny bit of rot repair, a good cleaning and a paint job, but oh, is it fun and cool. i'll be sure to get some before & after photos. gonna paint it a medium yellow with white trim and flower boxes :) its like 8x8!

to post often!

2 youngest are SICK. we were up ALL NIGHT after a long day yesterday. kendyl is throwing up, shawn is pooping. CONSTANTLY. 27 hours now, even longer for shawn alan. i took a few pics up at UNH yesterday, figured id put them up. kris came home this weekend to go apple picking with us- that aint happenin now :( poor kendyl, missed soccer again.

First Fall Fotos of 2010

2010-09-23T11:51:00.004-04:00

THE STORY

2010-09-22T14:59:00.003-04:00

my sister Amy

Kristin & Amy August 2010

Amy on her pink motorcycle 08/10

48 hours after these photos were taken, her whole life drastically changed. She was on her motorcycle during 5pm city traffic, headed to a biker night get together, and a 20 year old girl didn't see her and pulled out right in front of her. Amy hit the girl's car in front of her driver' side door, flew/rolled? up and over the car and landed on the trunk. Her 23 year old son was in front of her and turned around when he didn't see her in his rear view mirror. She was wearing a helmet, THANK GOD. She ended up with a badly split mouth and a VERY broken leg(femur & knee), went into emergency surgery to repair it all with titanium rods and screws. She's had a great attitude, but it has been the longest month of her life, I'm quite certain. She wasn't in the hospital neary as long as we expected and she hobbles around on crutches, trying to get used to her new, sadly sedentary life. When she had her stitches and staples removed 2 weeks ago, the surgeon told her she'd be able to start walking in another 4-6 MONTHS. MONTHS! Sounds crazy but it's true. They can only do so much and bones take time to heal. She seems resigned to the fact and atleast its mostly off-season instead of having this happen in April and her missing the entire riding season. Luckily, the entire accident was the other girl's fault and all her expenses will be covered. But she can't really work and the adjustment to doing "not much" has not been exactly fun. I've hardly seen her, It's so hard to get away and she understands that i really need my time at the Y to work on myself right now. She made it to Doug's big deployment ceremony at the stadium, her son carried her up several flights and then she managed the final few. we had LOUSY seats, long story not worth telling.(read:I screwed up).

I can't imagine losing her, not now, not like that! Not ever! She's definitely showing some signs of post traumatic stress, flashbacks etc.. but I'm hoping they're a temporary thing and she will feel like her old self as time goes by and her memory of the day's events fade. Can you imagine the fear? She loves to sew, quilt, do crossword puzzles and soduku....She's trying to stay busy and creative, for now. The bike? A total loss. she had just had it all custom painted too :( BUT, she's ok, that's what matters, and her ~~crazy-ass~~ life WILL go on, she seems excited to pick out and paint a new bike.

so.. that's the story. Now, GO HUG YOUR SIBLINGS! TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM!

What if you didn't have another chance?

how do i catch you up?

2010-09-21T20:55:00.003-04:00

ok, so without really meaning to or making any conscious decision(true gemini!) i took the summer off, from blogging. it just kind of happened. Like most events, large and small, in my life. Sure, I've posted a few times, tossed up a few pictures, sprinkled in a few words here and there, but to seriously bring you up to speed would take hours. SO.... should I:

do a huge bullet post? the family update kind? or..

write a series of posts, maybe focusing each post on one family member inparticular, fill you in on what they're ~~not~~ doing with their lives, how each one continues to ~~drive us to the brink of insanity~~bless our lives and fill our hearts with hope for their future? all that crap? maybe I could do both.. I just would hate to see it end up like the baby book thing. kristin's is 10 inches thick. ShawnAlan's? ~~empty and doused in pee stains~~ incomplete at this time. know what i mean? what if I start out all, "Kristin continues to bless us with her quick wit, her willingness to be flexible & forgiving of others and her uncanny ability to grab life by the ~~tucus~~ horns and never let fear hold her back!" and then, by the time i get to S.A., end with crap like , "shawnAlan poops in his drawers all.day.long." That would be just WRONG. So, I'm thinking it over. My plan(I got one!) is to blog every other day, all month, to help clean my head out and ~~shut my sister up~~. we shall see!

oh, by the way, you are not gonna believe what happened to my sister last month, she's ok now, but wait 'til i tell you the story, you're gonna shit. And something really neat and cool and a bit scary(maybe temporary, maybe permanant) might be in the works too, but I can't talk about it yet, and even when I do, i will have to respect other's privacy, but will tell you as much as i can.

STAY TUNED!

can you guess????

2010-09-21T14:43:00.002-04:00

what my favorite new addition/project was for summer 2010? It's the best thing EVER!

i have time to blog..

2010-09-20T16:28:00.002-04:00

because my achilles is wrecked again.. giving it rest. day 3. mood? SHITTY.

Anyway, recent conversations with jackson:
CONVERSATION #1 7:21pm Friday evening
me: ring. ring. ring.
him: hello?
Me: me again.
him: yah?
Me: pop quiz. ya ready?
him: k
me: ok..look up at the sky. (long term dead silence)are you looking? Jack?
him: oh. yah. what?
me: LOOK UP AT THE SKY
him: OK.
me: you looking?
him: yah, i guess (????)
me: ok.. is the sky LIGHT or DARK?
him: um.. light?
me: hmmmm, let's go over this again, ok?
him: k.
me: look up again. is the sky LIGHT, or is it DARK?
him: I don't know, I guess(?????)
me: Jackson, look at the trees. are they DARK or are they LIGHT?
him: dark.
me: VERY GOOD!(this is actually TRUE excitement, not sarcasm, atleast at this point.. stay tuned though. don't turn that dial. this is just getting good, right? i know!)
me again:
ok... look at your shirt and pants. DARK or LIGHT?
him: dark!
me; YES!!!!!!! EXCELLENT! ok, final question here, Jacky...ready? now- look up at the sky one more time, ok?
him: K.
me: is the sky DARK or LIGHT?
him: I don't really know.
me: THE SKY IS DARK, JACKSON. THE SKY IS DARKER THAN YOU. THE SKY COULDN"T GET ANY DARKER THAN IT IS AT THIS VERY MOMENT. EVEN DURING A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST. COME HOME NOW, PLEASE.
him: ok. ARE YOU MAD?

CONVERSATION #2.
REPEAT conversation #1.

CONVERSATION #3
REPEAT conversation #2

CONVERSATION #4
LATHER, RINSE & REPEAT conversation #3.

see the pattern? I hope you enjoyed today's installment of Low IQ Theatre. i only WISH this was RAD crap, "learned helplessness" or "being contrary" it's not. he is just... he is who he is. and it is the saddest thing I've ever witnessed.

70 lbs-GONE

2010-09-09T22:52:00.000-04:00

week 37....

2010-08-11T18:31:00.002-04:00

65lbs lighter. 90% happier! and.. i need a haircut . (too busy!). the weird angle made my legs look so stubby, which they ar not, so to me, the pic looks funny, but this is me. check out my sexy red toenails lol. i love my flat tummy! i had pizza and an ice cream cone today too. mmmmmmmmmmm. my once-a-week splurge.

FINALLY started weight training

2010-08-05T14:03:00.003-04:00

im posting them because i NEED to see progress or i'll quit. see all that tricep sagging? it BETTER diminish because weight lifting is kinda boring. i dont dread it but i dont exactly look forward to it. its lonely. i hate the weight room. im in the 170's now and never looking back!

these are BEFORE pics(actually, 2 weeks into it, down another 3 or 4 lbs, it helped me break a HUGE LONG plateau!) wish I had started earlier! im running more, weight training every other day,, cycling a bit less and tread climbing less. changing it up has given me a boost, for sure. thanks guys!

yes, i need a major hair cut and dye job, but i'm too busy and too poor.

Doug is being deployed in 5 weeks.

shawn is having potty training set backs. UGH. what a mess.

jack is at camp this week.

Yogi is running more and just started weight training. hes so sexy! his belly is GONE. he looks amazing, and he looked great to start with.

major drought here in new england, but finally pouring today.

went to the beach last Friday, will post pics later.

no other vacation type stuff-too much work.

shawn is loving school, but regressing SO BADLY and being really mean to kendyl.

Doug is loving his new apartment. he, Korey Lee & kayleigh are living together. It's Doug's place and the military pays his rent now that hes active status. so far so good.

I am loving dougs new place too LOL

hugs to you all!

just havent..

2010-07-16T14:10:00.003-04:00

felt like blogging i guess. summer? busy? attitude problem? just plain too lazy to write out those boring family updates? I'm not sure, just don't have anything huge or exciting to report. If I ever do, I will be sure to type it out. i will attempt a quick bullet post:
* we don't miss having TV, but obviously jack does, so now he just eats twice as much while we are asleep, since he can't watch TV and eat. last night alone? NINE boiled eggs and NINE egg rolls that belonged to Kortni.
* Doug deploys in 8 weeks. ready? no idea.
* Shawn Alan will be 3 on wed. party? kinda. on the 24th. small and very... effort limited on my part. It's not my gig but i will try. I haven't even really invited anyone yet. guess I better get right on that(eye roll). we did already invite Shawn's birth mom, no idea yet if she will come. We haven't seen her since August :( She's shy but it's a small party with only people who love her so.. I hope she comes.
* the more kids we try to help, the worse we are treated. they all just keep coming back. and they all owe me money.
* Kris loves her job.
*Doug loves his job.
* I still weigh 181. I'm mad but not mad enough to try harder.
* Not enough rain happening here in the northeast. lawn is fried. ask me if I care.(nope). I'm not paying for water.
* bought MYSELF a new wedding ring last night. $60. my other one was huge. I'm finally a size 7 in SOMETHING! HA! Husband seemed to have NO issue with the fact that I wasn't wearing one for weeks on end. Isn't he worried about all those ~~sweaty and disgusting~~ HOT guys at the Y? ROFL! i kill myself.
* We have a hamster named Wall-E. i blame this gal. It's all her fault! We finally met in person this week, met at the mall and we had such a good time. It felt like I had always known her. I hope she felt the same way! can you say RESPITE FAMILY???? i liked her RAD kids.
*Kris brought home another baby bunny. She calls her Alice. I call her Piper. she is the cutest and Mooney is loving on her. Poor Mooney was lonely!
* Did I mention that people take advantage of our kindness? I did? Oh, sorry.
* I can run for 50 minutes without a stop now. 5.5MPH. GO ME! I'm hooked but i take progress slowly.
* I may trade in my huge, gas guzzlin' Expedition for something used and smaller. not sure yet. the payment kills us and the gas... UGH.
* 2 more 5K's scheduled this month. I'm ready!
* still trying to get our mortgage "modified". it takes a while!
* kortni eats every half hour. She reads my blog so I'm telling you that.
* Unkuh is headed to Texas in Sept. for 2 weeks. If he can afford it. Kids will miss him :(
* I still want a Volkswagon Beetle.
* Dakotah loves his puppy pool!
* Shawn still poops his pants. It's NO. FUN. AT. ALL.
* the 2 little ones are having so much fun at summer school. 9-1, T,W & TH. they love it! Shawn cries when I leave, but gets over it quickly and has a great day. I run & cycle, shower BY MYSELF, buy groceries and clean house while they're gone. Did I mention the alone part? BLISS. I cannot describe my glee. Shawn DOES NOT poop his pants at school. hmmmmmmmm
more later!

the race!

2010-07-05T09:38:00.006-04:00

before

oops- an after shot

waiting for us to cross the finish line

more waiting

camera malfunctioned, so no oncoming face shots, but we got some as we we crossed and you can see the clock! my goal was 38min.,due to heat, hills and the fact that i never run in the morning. so I am thrilled with my time.

VIC PICS!

guy stuff

GREAT DAY. best 4th Of July I've had in over 10 years. best ever.

anyway, when I feel like it, i'll blog about RAD and messes and teen drama and epic failures, but.... not today. :)

jack's new hair

2010-06-30T11:01:00.001-04:00

wordless.. Tuesday?

2010-06-29T16:03:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday Thursday

2010-06-24T09:05:00.000-04:00

In the words of Mrs. Doubtfire.....

2010-06-16T09:49:00.002-04:00

I. AM. JOB.
Kris is a full time administrative assistant! she loves it.

Kendyl fell in the driveway and skinned both knees.

8 minutes later, not to be outdone, Shawn Alan fell and skinned his knee. there. job well done.

soooooo close!!!!!

2010-06-15T10:03:00.004-04:00

inner thighs still need much work.

definately less fat hanging off my arms

flatter tummy, for sure!

less... um.. baggage?

I've lost ALMOST 60lbs! i took these pics , just to keep in my book and show my doc if he wanted to see them, but i decided to ~~torture~~bless you too! you're welcome! Corey, stop laughing this instant!

lots of stuff lately

2010-06-11T11:33:00.007-04:00

I had a Birthday

almost started a fire

the chore chart has morphed and succumbed to a life of sharing ~~hopeless mockery~~ inspirational, motivation messages with the family.

Shawn fell in love with paint

Did I mention I had a Birthday?

Kendyl, somehow, got cuter!

the kids practiced patience

Shawn got cuter too

jack got crabby and my Daddy stood watch . see where I got my chin?

Tim thought he was funny with this joke gift!

my Mom left the house for an hour

i got some great cards , some flowers, a very cool thing i'll get a picture of later and my parents gave me some cold hard cash.
we'll spend some of it at Toy Story 3! T made my cake. I love my T man, even though he makes me insane most of the time.

the TV went bye bye for good. we don't miss it one bit.

we finally put Shawn Alan on a leash

T & I got motivated.. and..

the rabbit got a new roof! she LOVES her new digs :) wait.. this is a DURING picture... i forgot to take an after photo!

great week! ran, climbed & biked 10 days in a row, lost NO weight, and finally took yesterday off. Back to it today.... my body is changing like crazy, but the weight is still hanging on. 185 and holding.

im hoping to blog again later today, because i am BEYOND EXCITED that a bloggy friend of mine is MOVING back to NH(where she is from). she may end up living really close to us and i am over the moon. can you say RESPITE?? LOl no, im actually hoping for a running partner but she may be way faster. still a fun workout partner, possibly. she has haitian kids. SHE GETS ME. she gets my life. my anger. my fear of the future. I get her. even if theyre only close enough for weekend visits now & again, i'll take it! i have way more to say about it, but will dump it all later. gotta go get Kendyl at school.

MUAH!

what we've been up to

2010-06-07T19:33:00.004-04:00

blue bells at a painting job i was at last week

yogi is 47 now. woah.

where did my huge butt disappear to ??????

kris took these, blurry but funny!

never thought I'd wear clothing that said "M" inside them again in my life! But i am!

yes, I'm taller.

41

2010-06-02T10:16:00.003-04:00

As my 41st Birthday quickly approaches, I'm reminded of my last Birthday. My husband, daughter and friends threw me a surprise 40th bash, it was amazing and fun and made me feel loved and appreciated. Then it was over, and life went on. I watched it go by, mostly. I weighed 242 lbs., was tired, un motivated to change it and upset about some things going on in my personal life. Another 5 mos. went by before I woke up one morning & just couldn't stand one more minute of the mental and emotional stress I was feeling. I dusted off my treadmill, found some shoes in the closet and changed my whole outlook in one day.

26 weeks later I'm stronger, leaner and in a better frame of mind than I have been in years. I weigh 185 lbs, (about 30 to go!)have lowered my cholesterol, my body fat percentage is down by about 20%, I never get heartburn anymore, I sleep great, I've learned a bit about nutrition, I can't shop at Lane Bryant anymore... well, i still love their bras! , my knees hardly ever ache anymore, not even when i climb the 2 flights of stairs to leave the YMCA after a gruelling workout. when I wake up in the morning, my ankles don't hurt when i first get out of bed. I make time for myself every single day, i plan my meals better, plan my time better, appreciate myself so much more......the list goes on and on. Life just feels different, even though I'm still what I refer to as "tubby". No surgeries, no pills, no supplements, no starving myself, no outrageous diets, no anti depressants or ADHD meds to kill the appetite-JUST ME and 6 days a week of hard ass work. I'm proud of that. Many people I know are losing weight faster than I am, but I try to stay in my own lane and focus on my own journey. I've learned a lot, so far. Not like it's anywhere near over! Keeping it off is the hardest part and my goal is still so far away. I'm taking my time and trying to enjoy the process.

Yogi runs and cycles with me now. He has progressed so quickly. I mostly run outdoors now, a huge accomplishment for me, a big goal. He now runs faster than I do, but I beat him on the bike every time. We are running a wimpy 5k together, on July 4th, just for fun, and a 25K in September, for our favorite Haitian charity, we hope. He's such a driven person, He will cruise right by me pretty soon. Not sure how I feel about that. I taught him to play Scrabble once too. Then it got ugly. I don't play Scrabble with him anymore. We will take it one day at a time, but he is so enjoying this. I am too! I dragged him out to buy some new running clothes last night, he needed everything. It was time for some stay-dry fabrics. YUCK. he'll be 47 this week, right before i turn 41. TALK ABOUT CAKE. Proper planning is in order! GOD, we both love us some frikking cake. OY.

Some really shitty things have happened lately too, but I'm not letting any of it get me down. I have to live life for ME and the people behind these 4 walls and let everyone else live their lives their own way. I know who I am and what I'm about. People can think what they want about my character, believe what they choose, but I know, and that's all that matters. My memory is excellent. I've moved on and I can live with it, whatever the outcome. People come and go, in life, and it's all good with me. I have a great marriage and family, wonderful, SOLID friendships... time to let it all go. I can't let it rent the space in my head anymore- NO VACANCY!!

Anyway, Wanna know the coolest thing?

I FIT IN A VOLKSWAGON BUG and I'm going to buy one!

life is great :)
thanks for listening.

long weekend in pics

2010-06-01T11:32:00.009-04:00

erins husband chris, son CJ, daughter Sydney

Ashley 10, sydney 8.5 and kiley 5

my friend Erin & me. they are being stationed in a new place, he's in the Navy, so annual trips up here from groton CT are over :(

CJ will be 3 in Nov.

Erin

erin and CJ

jacky and chips.

the thinner i get, the crazier my chin looks. jay leno should have a contest for chin most like his. I'd win, hands down.

kristin and her buddy Shaun. hes giving her a car!

another week?

2010-05-23T09:11:00.006-04:00

before

after

i love this one

shawn alan LOVED the post hole digger!

Gunkuh was so excited when we decided some limbs needed to be cut down first!

love this too

Kody took his role very seriously.

WOW, that just flew right by. between caring for my stupid leg burn, 2 dentist appointments, 2 chiropractor visits, 1 trip to the burn guy, 3 trips to grocery stores(i hit the sales!)my time at the Y, Kendyl's soccer, sharing my vehicle(which I am growing very tired of after 18 mos.) and tournament basketball.. OY. just busy! On Friday we picked up the wooden swing set from Home Depot and we assembled it yesterday. this is a tournament free weekend so we took advantage of it.

Kristin continues to mail & fax resumes to prospective employers. no bites yet. she is seriously considering changing her plans for her senior year of college. Spanish majors make NO money and she also may decide to finish here, at community college, instead of the dorm. she has no money saved, no job yet, a student advisor who doesn't do his job and doesn't care, along with some professors in the Spanish department who could be.. um.. a lot better. she made the Dean's list, maybe the high honors one- again. 1 B, all the rest were A's. she rocks.

Doug is traveling from couch to couch, and also sleeps in Korey's car sometimes.went to court over a January speeding ticket and lost his license for 45 days, hood flew up and smashed his brand new windshield again... no money to fix it and a 500$ fine to pay the courts by Sept. 1st. his life is in the crapper big time. he has managed to keep his job, but it's not enough hours so he's disgruntled over that too. choices choices. we feed him when hes here and he does his laundry.. he worked for Yogi part of the week so he ate well those days. we invited him to build the swing set & i put out lots of food, but nobody showed up.

Jackson's bicycle woes continue. its an expensive trick/jumping/x games bike. this is his 4th and final bike on our dime. the rules were spelled out. NO changes. NO taking it apart, we don't care what your friends think is cool. NO painting it. NO alterations. the very first day he peeled off all the stickers and yanked all the reflectors off. i noticed and told him to put them back on. he ignored me and messed up a few days later and lost the bike for a month anyway. then we forgot about the reflectors. hes had the bike back for a week. yesterday i noticed the lack of reflectors and told him he could leave as soon as he put them back on. they're GONE, of course! so, no bike. this is a jet black kid with jet black eyes wearing a jet black helmet(when I'm looking, anyway. then he just throws it in the woods. ) and jet black pants and shirt riding home at 10pm from a ball game... get my drift? he has NO thought process or self help skills, so just sits and stares. when i mentioned that he needed to think hard and come up with a way to solve this problem, he said "i don't care". i told him that we could buy more and he could work off the money he owes, he said, "naah".

NO PROBLEM KIDDO. less worry for me. you'll be right here staring into space ALL. SUMMER. LONG. no worry about your safety out in that dark, cruel world. just dont forget that the TV goes in the closet once school is out. oh.. you forgot? darn. luckily, the swing set and trampoline are here for you. enjoy playing with the babies all summer. you're welcome.

ONE RULE. ONE. broke it in 8 minutes but I'M the bitch. that's ok. i am a bitch. just ask my x mother in law. anyway, the bummer is that now he'll do NOTHING in school and lose his first big chance at the honor roll. he only does his work to keep the bike. my plan is to buy the reflectors, let him know they're here, show them to him, then hide them and give him a list of yard work to complete and see what he does. seeing them might stir his desire. may not.. I don't know. But I am NOT going to treat him like a little baby. he was told to leave the damn bike alone.

the little ones are doing great, shawn and I both woke up with nasty colds yesterday, but otherwise fine. kendyl has a tiny cavity too. that's her 2nd one! whats the deal? I'm so peeved. they are loving their play structure and shawn isn't pooping his pants as much lol. he starts school July 6th. i will be ALONE 12 hours a week, all summer and 8 hours a week in the fall-shawn will only go 2 days a week in the fall. summer is 3 days. what will i do? besides getting on the ball with the weight training, I'm not sure! It'll be very strange. I'll work more, but I work from home so..it won't feel any different. well... quieter!

still working with our new mortgage company to get the payment in a fair ratio to our income. it's not right to sell our mortgage to another company who is only in business to raise our payments! Bank Of America stinks.

My mom is in a lot of back pain again and is dehydrated. no idea whats going on with her but why did the urgent care doc send her home if shes so dehydrated? shes a heart attack/stroke patient! she may need a second back surgery, she had one in the late 90's i think. even her arthritis specialist hasn't been able to help her back this year. i will try to see her today.

my friend Memmay is sick too, not sure with what but i need to check on her today too. she was here Friday and seemed fine, but her daughter let me know that shes really sick. the golden years don't sound very good to me! I'm staying in my 40's forever! that's IT!

I'm supposed to be cleaning my room and putting laundry away. oops. have a great Sunday!

quick travel update

2010-05-18T18:04:00.002-04:00

simply put ? im not traveling. i just found out thismorning that the wake is at 2pm tomorrow and the funeral is Th. at 10;30 am. I don't see how I can pull it off, financial or otherwise. I'd only make the funeral anyway. when i looked at flights, rental car, food & hotel, it added up to well over a thousand. i wish the number didnt matter, but it does. to go for ONE day and rush right back home... i just cant do it. I want to, but I can't.

sad :(

2010-05-17T20:45:00.004-04:00

kristin & daniel, august 2007

daniel is right above the dad. the one with the most hair.

remember my trip to Michigan in September? to visit my cousins? i wrote about it here. Anyway, my cousin daniel, the 23 year old(2nd oldest), died last night. He was competing in a triathlon on Saturday, a triathlon he won last year. During the bicycle part, he was in a collision and suffered massive head injuries. He was flown to University Of Michigan where he had brain surgery but died about 30 hours later. I am still so stunned. he was the one who picked me up when i got to Michigan, we chatted during the 2 hour car ride to his parent's house and it was so fun to hang out with just one of the kids at a time and talk about life. I never heard a kid speak so fondly of his parents or family. he teaches Bible school, coaches soccer....just the best kid ever. Now he's gone. i feel so sad for his older sister, 6 younger brothers and his amazing parents. how will they go on? I'm waiting to hear what/when the arrangements are, then i will decide if I can pull off a quick trip to MI. last minute tickets are so outrageous! But i will try. I want to be there.

in the family photo, Daniel is the darker haired guy right above his Father

don't feel much like talkin'

2010-05-15T21:18:00.003-04:00

watching rap videos in their jammies thismorning

when i first walked in, she had her head on his shoulder, they were all curled up together

won this game

lost this one

so here's some recent filmies

WARNING-GROSS LEG PICS

2010-05-11T21:36:00.004-04:00

it looks gross, but it's not infected, so i'm still doing my thing. lots of edema though, swollen from my knee cap to my ankle. reaaaalllly puffy. yuck. i do things for a while, then put my leg up for a while, on & off all day. running stunk tonight, too swollen, so i stopped after 1 mile and jumped on the tread climber instead. last night i did a 13 mile bike tour, all hills! can you believe I did this to myself? what a tool! ah, live & learn. i'll get it behind me & move on. at least it isn't all that painful. my neck hurts way more than my dumb leg. back to the chiro with Kristin at 930 am.

shawn & kendyl are really missing jenny & konnor, they came to visit yesterday and made their day. today, Doug, Korey & david came to visit, then Courtney came! the kids were in heaven with all the attention. kendyl cried when everyone left :(

did i mention that my size 12 jeans fit now? quite the "muffin top" but... i'm not worried about that right now. I'm down 53 pounds! so who cares? im healthier than I have been in ages. even with my bum leg and my crappy neck. on my 40th Birthday, last june, I weighed 242 lbs. by my 41st Birthday I'm hoping to be at 180. i'll settle for 185. (and i didnt even start this thing until Dec 1st!)i need to really step up the BORING weight training and stop eating cookies. Gotta reach my goal!

did i mention that i have the best husband in the whole wide world? no? well, he is. i'm so blessed. I love having him around. i wish he could take some time off.

i'm rambling.. good night all!

the best parts of Mother's Day

2010-05-10T14:24:00.003-04:00

Kids brought me flowers

our new 10 footer!

crying

posing with their successful purchase

needed a few fixes

contemplating

baked french toast! tradition..

my leg is terrible and my whole ankle and foot are all swollen, so i am still grounded, this will really mess up my plans, but it's my own fault. i took Kristin and myslef to the chiropractor thismorning, we both feel better already! so.. some good news. I better go
, shawn is getting very out of control..

what NOT to do/Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T10:52:00.004-04:00

never apply an ice pack to bare skin, wrap it with an ace bangdage and fall asleep. after the power outage, the freezer went nuts and the temp was apparently lower than normal. when i arrived home from my run, i quickly wrapped up my chronic bad leg, as I usually do, so that i could eat the fabulous Boston Market chicken dinner that Uncuh had sprung for. i didn't pay any attention to the fact that the ice pack was harder and more frozen than usual. then i ate dinner and drifted off on the couch during the thunder storm. then i woke up to this. i felt no pain until my skin started to warm up, i should have felt it at the beginning. my high pain tolerance gets me in trouble sometimes. it was kind of a long night. thismorning i popped all the blisters and cleaned it up and now i'm grounded. later i will wrap it up really good and go to the Y like a dummy. I took Monday off because of the town power outage and Friday night I went to the airport, so i MUST run/cycle today. Especially after the yummy baked french toast!!!! Yogi makes it for me every year. the kids made me the cutest cards and Kendyl made me a sun catcher at school. Kris has something up her sleeve too.. haven't seen it yet.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!! Yogi & T are off picking up my new picnic table right now! only thing I asked for. I'm a major dweeb. screw the jewelry!

homecoming!

2010-05-08T11:52:00.008-04:00

so bummed that jack was asleep on the dang couch! this would have been a nice christmas card photo LOL Kris would KILL ME. she looked tired!

yah, its a shot glass. i didnt buy it!

doesnt she looks so much cuter with the few extra pounds? i think so!

kris cried when doug showed up thismorning, she missed her "baby brother".

costa rican dress and jewelry

new wallet, key chain and mug with his name on it( a tradition they have) and of course, spoons for his spoons of the world collection. nerd.

xylaphone. cuz she hates me lol

loud nicaraguan bird whistle. she still hates me.

BOY did i wish i had brought my camera while we were in Boston at Faneuil Hall. dark sky, big, lit buildings, north church steeple, the wharf.. im a dummy. i should have brought it. we had so much fun walking around, the live music was amazing, so was the pie. we are going back next month to have a do over! i finally pulled out the camera thismorning. Kris fell apart when she hugged her Daddy, she missed him so much. they are so close, it was so cute, made me cry.

have a wonderful Mother's day weekend! I WILL!

time for a really quick update...........

2010-05-07T14:51:00.002-04:00

..........likely full of typos!

Jenny & Konor spent the entire day "somewhere"(not here) then finally showed up at 930 pm to move all their stuff. they were quiet about it, so i kept my mouth shut, but isnt it easier to move during the daylight hours? Doug helped them. they left Kristin's bedroom a complete pig sty, so i just spent the entire morning cleaning it, but I got it done, no harm done. It looks great. She e mailed me from the airport and all is well with travel, so far. she seems upbeat!

Jackson had fun at camp afterall! the heights scared him, but he loved the rest and came home in a good mood. he said he was "afraid" I wouldn't be there to pick him up. Atleast he can verbalize that fear. he was glad to see me waiting for him when they pulled up on the bus.

We had planeed to go to Boston as soona s the younger kids went to bed, maybe get some dinner, walk the streets before going to the airport, but I'm thinking Yogi might need to sleep for a while instead. Not sure what we're doing. I'd like to squeeze in a run before we leave, but I don't know if I can get away. Doug & Korey have already been here today to do laundry and bathe. will this ever end? now they're gone.
I baked a couple chickens, no idea when Y&T will be home from work. this siding job is taking forever because materials are back ordered.

all is well, it'll all get done. BUT I am so tired of cleaning up poop! this potty training crap is for YOUNG parents! he was doing great, but now keeps messing his pants again. OY.

i hope they charge that "Runaway Mom" with a crime. I despise her. there. I said it. yes, I am judging her. CRUEL CRUEL CRUEL. EVIL, even.
ok, i better go, still so much to do before we leave. Maybe Courtney will come babysit for me for a bit, but i hate to throw Jackson for a loop, he just got home. I don't know...
can't wait to see my girlie!

2 steps back

2010-05-06T10:58:00.002-04:00

Konor was fired from his job thismorning. fantastic. i guess his bosses boss found out about an old arrest record of his. he used to be a thug. what will they do now?
doug is sleeping on his Father's couch, 30 minutes north of here, for now. that may go ok, but it's a small place with high rent.
i've been sick since about midnight. at first, i thought the long hard run i took last night might have upset my stomach, but I'm still sick. headache, dizzy, puking.. UGH and i just visited my parents yesterday. great.
worried about all the kids, but excited to see kris tomorow night, just after midnight sat. morning. i miss her so much.
gonna go lay down. kids are being so good!
i hope jack is having fun at camp, no calls yet! LOL

out of sync

2010-05-05T21:22:00.002-04:00

i make decisions and then i think, "oh, crap, now i have to stick to it." Tomorrow, all the big kids are moving out. Only thing is, none of them have a place to go. Theoretically, Jenny could go to her father's house, but Konor isn't welcome so... that won't happen. Doug could go sleep on his Father's couch, but his place is small and 30 minutes away. It won't work, but he may go there temporarily. Korey is sleeping in his car, Doug is sleeping in his car & Jenny & Konor are sleeping in their car. I await my award, it must be in the mail.
I ran 5 miles in 53 minutes tonight, not too bad! last night, we had an intense storm and lost power, so i took the night off. after a day of total rest, i run harder and better. I'm so hungry i feel sick, so i better go sneak some Nutella!
I'm sad and out of sorts, but this rough patch in my life shall pass.
night all

pics and brood updates

2010-05-03T11:36:00.006-04:00

* David moved 3 towns over to live with an aunt a few days ago, he will be able to work full time for his uncle at a jiffy lube, pay to get his driver's license back, and start over. i miss him. i think I enjoy his company the most out of all the "extras". he doesn't flip out, no anger issues, helpful, so good with the little ones, so playful.. i miss my boy. he calls me MA.

* Jenny and Konor are looking at a place today! i know, last minute, but they need more money than they have..they leave by Friday so i can clean the room for Kristin, who is coming home with LOTS of stuff, get it organized and wash windows and stuff.

* the other night, Doug & Korey went off in Korey's car to "run errands" after work. at 3am our cell phones were ringing next to our bed. the boys(along with 2 friends) were arrested because they were parked on a random street with pot in the glove box. supposedly, all the charges were dropped, pending an investigation because doug & Korey are helping the police catch some dealer in town(not theirs)who is on the run. they are going to be snitches. well, they aren't going to do that from here. both boys must be out by Friday, along with Jenny & Konor. 5 kids- GONE in fewer than 6 more days. i might ~~pee myself with glee!~~cry! I'm going to miss~~most of them~~ them all so much!

needless to say, Doug & Korey see no issue with this, think it's all "no big deal"(the lies about "quitting", the fact that the Army may kick doug out when they get wind of this.... all of it) and are livid and disgruntled that we are sending them on their way. they keep asking Yogi & I to "talk this out" with them. what is there to talk about? they were arrested for possession, we don't need that here, they lied, we don't trust them, we don't need the police here, we have young, impressionable kids here... etc etc etc etc etc! Yup- Jenny smokes pot too. quietly. in the woods. alone. then she sits on the couch watching the science channel all night. she's not out, in a car, parked on some random street being reported to the police. all the pot heads ARE LEAVING this week. that's my final answer.

* This will be very hard on the 2 youngest. they are so attached to Jenny & Konor, inparticular, It's been a long, fun 3 months. Lots of attention, hugs, boo boo kissing, play time, hair braiding, jumping, rough housing, cookie baking, snuggling up watching movies..... she's going to be a wonderful Mother. She's attentive, patient, invested, loving and kind. stoned, yes...but still all of the above. They will make great parents some day down the road, both of them. If only they could quit the reefer. siiiggghhhh. I so want them to succeed. we've filled the kids in about what is about to happen, but they won't take it all in until they are gone, and Kristin is in the room. They will be excited to see her again, but she doesn't really play. She & kendyl are very close, they sit on the bed and talk, make little movies with her camera, do hair... but jenny & Konor PLAY HARD LOL. It'll be different.

* i haven't lost an ounce in a while. i constantly have my period, which does not help. cant wait to have my abaltion! i run, cycle, kick box or tread climb 6 days a week, and just keep trying. trying to ignore the stupid scale for now. My sister was here yesterday and she really noticed a change. she said "WOW! HOLY CRAP!" that must be a good thing! Tonight I'm going to my first step class at 530. i did the entire 90 minute kick boxing class, so i think i can mange step aerobics! the instructors gave me 20 minutes tops. blew them away! That was FUN. the choreography was really hard, but i did it! did i already tell you this? damn. sorry if I did.

* It is so humid here, i could hardly sleep last night. Time for the AC! may talk Yogi into installing it tonight. it's HOT for early May!

Shawn is 95% potty trained, pooping on the potty and everything. He's so close! all in all, it's been quick and easy(messy though YUCK). can't complain.

* the crazo meter is sky high, Jackson has a school, 2 night camping trip coming up on wed. he's faught the packing, the planning, filled suitcase with rolled up, filthy, urine saturated clothes off the floor, refusal to get ready..... avoidance at it's best. maybe his 68 IQ is a true picture. He just doesn't understand anything or retain anything. He seems like he's 5. sometimes i really believe he's mentally retarded. He's so low. for a sleeping bag, he rolled up a wet SHEET and stuffed it in the bag.

"you want to sleep on a pine board, with nothing but this?

"yes."

"won't your bunk mates smell it?"

"i dont care."

LORD HELP HIM.

LORD HELP US ALL.

worth posting again, since its still not solved

2010-04-30T23:03:00.001-04:00

orinally posted may 2009 dear doug crawford whatever the hell your name is,my name is ... eh, who cares what my name is, right? anyway, i received your letter today. it was written with a whole bunch of big, 3 syllable words so i didn't understand much of it, but i think it was a written request to have all your uniform name patches, official paperwork, certifications and diplomas re printed with the proper spelling and order of your names. first of all, 4 names is waaaaay too mega hard for me to write over and over again in the exact same way. I'd have to stop watching ~~Jerry Springer~~ Twilight and staring at Private Como, who is doing his workout over there in the corner. he is HOTTTTTT. ok, so, i see here that on your 4 most important documents you are listed as: PFC Bellamy Crawford, Lyle Douglas PFC Crawford, D. Bellamy PFC Douglas, Bellamy Craw D. and PFC Crawford Bellamy, Daniel L. You must realize that listing you as PFC Bellamy Crawford, Douglas L. on allll those papers is a really huge job and I'm new here. they just transfered me over from the mailroom in April.(everything that bi-otch said about me is a lie, by the way!)So, what I'm trying to say is, request DENIED, soldier boy. I have waaaay more important things to do, like paint my nails, which are now brittle and destroyed, thanks to this dump, incase you were wondering, and .. well....being in the Army is HARD! My STUPID Dad told me this would be a great way to earn money for cosmetology & modeling school but all i've gotten so far is knocked up. no idea how, either... i never let any of those guys kiss me on the lips!In closing........deal with it, Daniel. You're on your own. Hope this doesn't mess up your bonus... much. snicker. snort. ~~piss up a rope~~ warmest regards , Camille Duart Records Department of the United States Army Fort Jackson , SC

new pics

2010-04-30T09:26:00.005-04:00

my friend over at Mothering 4 Money said she wanted to see my boobs. so, here ya go! ROFL!

we didnt notice the sun orb until later, so .. enjoy! i think he makes me look better!

just started weight training this week, so as far as any muslcles, these are BEFORE pics.

here ya go, M4M! crazy sun orb. hes in love with me, i think.

jenny crimped my hair. it took a long long time, i have TONS of hair, then i ruined it at my workout and needed a shower, so.. you wont see my hair like this for a while. i like it!
i'm gonna miss my Jenny :(

last night was Make Your Own Pizza night here at Crawford Brimberry. the kids had so much fun! jack hates it when i take his picture so.. none of him.

isnt she so cute?

Jenny wanted a pic of her first ever pizza makin' experience.

so.. what does YOUR husband do after a 10 hour day, on a roof, up & down a ladder..in 60mph winds? this is what mine does. crazy? yes. but extremely sexy and endearing.

the winds died down a bit

wish i wasn't right!

2010-04-28T15:07:00.006-04:00

A few weeks before my trip to Costa Rica to visit Kristin, she jumped off a cliff into a waterfall and landed wrong, slightly injuring her back, a pulled muscle, perhaps. i wrote about it here. As my post at that time stated, she waited quite a while to tell me about her fall/odd landing and then, when she did tell me, it was in an evasive email that left me full of more questions than answers, so i kept e mailing her back asking the questions and then i would receive another short & sweet email back from her. i read her e mails, out loud, word for word, to the other adults here, and when i mentioned my fears that she may not be telling the whole story or may be hurt more seriously than she was letting on, another adult in the house accused me of being OVERLY DRAMATIC. nice. my feelings were really hurt. so... i let it go, but in the back of my mind, i wondered. I was glad i would be seeing her for myself, very soon. while in Costa Rica, Kristin took some Motrin on & off, but seemed to feel ok and claimed it hurt less every day.

2 more e mails have come since I got home and her back hurts 24/7. her back has gotten worse and worse, instead of better and better. I was right the whole time. far be it for me to say I TOLD YOU SO, but I TOLD YOU SO! the person who called me DRAMATIC has also seen these e mails from her too. no apology yet. that's ok. I can wait. I'm a big girl. i would rather have been wrong, but MOMS JUST KNOW these things. i know her. i know her better than anybody else in this house.

MEN.

i have her set up to go see my chiropractor on may 10th. he's ready for her and we'll start with x rays. OY. i hope shes fixable. a lifetime of back pain is NO fun. My Dad, my Sister, my oldest nephew... they all suffer from back issues. I dont want her to have to suffer because of ONE otherwise fun day trip.

thoughts from the trenches

2010-04-27T13:23:00.003-04:00

me-after 50 lbs GONE! YIKES, loving my baggy arm skin, can you believe that was all fat before? cant i just go and have it all cut off? better start weight training FAST! eeww.

I read blogs every 3 or 4 days, Mostly the blogs you can see on the list to your right. these moms blog about their feelings and come up with all this deep, wordy, philosophical, inanely cool stuff. i tend to just write about daily life, current events and things that irritate me. HA! how I've managed to keep so many readers for 3 years, I have no idea. I don't think anyone reads my blog to actually hear or analyze my thoughts, take my crappy(non existent!)advice or learn anything new. I cuss, I often take a negative view, I spew my passive aggressive ways of dealing with ~~Jackson~~my life's little ups & downs, yet you still read. I read some blogs that i used to love to read, but as readership grew, the ads went up, the pops up, well... pop up, their income grows along with the readership hits and BAM. 2 moms, in particular, have become soooooo stuck up, self righteous and braggy.... YUCK. they give LOTS of advice when they haven't even been parents for more than 5 years. religion, politics, foreign affairs, nutrition, potty training, homeschooling, special education, cooking, sewing, organizing, immunizing(or not!)discipline, safety, marital issues, adoption, foster care, family planning, finances......you name it, they have advice for us. they KNOW how it should be done. is that what you guys are really out there in cyber space looking for? please, let me know! i'm so curious! I just don't think I am in any position to be telling other people how to do this life thing. Even after 21+ years of parenting full time, one of our 5 offspring smokes -which i NEVER EVER would have expected, we have never smoked-and dropped out of high school, another has a slew of mental and emotional issues that lead to smoking and dropping out of high school, my first husband didn't love me, left me & 2 babies, so i was divorced at 22 and re married at 25 to my former best friend-well, he still is!, none of my kids are in therapy because I hate it with a passion, (lets just say i'm not a fan of constructive criticism and leave it at that. its NEVER just about the kids, they drag you in too@@, and I am no longer interested), I'm not a nutrition expert, by any means..i just learned the difference between simple and complex carbs 6 weeks ago! i just mean that I wouldn't want MY advice! why should you? maybe you read me because I keep it so real. let it all out. dont hold anything back. I don't sugar coat anything, very often. nothing is taboo, 'cept maybe my sex life ...HA! maybe its the cute pictures of my dog that keep you coming back for more ~~abuse~~fun.
so...I promise that I will continue to hold back any and all urges to sway your thinking or get you to come around to my way of doing things, whatever way that is. i'll stick to my easy-on-the-brain way of blogging, for now.
you're welcome!

just an update

2010-04-26T10:05:00.003-04:00

look at that mug. so cute! he has the best lips EVER.

yup, anything goes.

my legs are so much leaner! no idea what shirt i was wearing, doesnt look familiar at all, weird.

like i said, anything goes. i told these kids not to piss me off! LOL

*I'VE NOW LOST 50 LBS! week 22 begins today.
*Jackson had Doug's I Pod the whole time. stole it out of his car. Korey & david took it back from him, along with a pack of cigarrettes, but "didnt want to stress me out", so I wasnt told. doug slipped and told me a week later. yah, he steals cigs and smokes in the woods at the bike jumps. i took the new bike away weeks ago, after he stole our cell phones and called hoochies until 3am, so he hasnt left the yard in weeks anyway. cant handle any freedom. any not strong enough. not for a long time.
* he hates the tournament basketball team he's on. too much "work". too structured. he has to put in effort. the coach actually, the nerve of him, has STANDARDS and demands conditioning. the guy makes them RUN. its not all just scrimmaging and shooting and goofing off playing street ball. too bad. you made the committment and we paid $200.00 so you will stick it out until it ends in July. anything that requires any thought or effort(aside from stealing and lying, that is)-forget about it. we were at basketball games an hour away all frikking weekend -9 games in 3 days-but he hates it. better than sitting home grounded! whatever. he also flushed a bottle of bed wetters drug down the toilet. he "likes wetting the bed".
according to all his fake paperwork, today is his 14th Birthday. does that mean that 4 years from today i can kick his ass out of my house and say "i like kicking you out of my house, so i did."?
he doesnt speak to us unless hes getting his way, yogi even let him sleep over a team mate's house sat. night after playing 4 basketball games(DUH!!!). he never slept the entire night (was afraid he'd wet the bed, i assume, and his anxiety took over, as usual)and slept on the couch all day yesterday, so was up all night again last night...... UGH. no school this week. he will NOT SLEEP TODAY. i dont care what i have to do to keep him awake. no sleeping! go rake leaves! its been a crappy 3 weeks with him.
*shawn is doing so great with the potty! he poops his pants every day, will NOT use the toilet, but hes pee trained-even overnight! he did this all by himself! its been one week.
*the smaller i get, the bigger my boobs look. its OUT OF CONTROL. im like a C+/D- but... i look like a DD right now. whats up with that????? usually they shrink when i trim down. like rachel welch says "shirts just arent made for a full crowd in the balcony!" SO TRUE! shopping may be an issue. especially financially! HA!
have you tried special K's low fat granola cereal? higher in calories but THE BEST FOOD EVER CREATED. I'm hooked. i may dream about it tonight.
shawn pooped his pants again. gotta continue with some pics later!

marathon

2010-04-19T12:32:00.002-04:00

i'm so enjoying watching the Boston Marathon.
WHO THE HELL AM I?????????
hoping to hit the 50 lb. loss mark by next weekend. CANT WAIT to see it.

just pics

2010-04-15T15:17:00.006-04:00

this is what i eat. MMMMMMMMMMMMM

clothes for school pictures. shawn refused. oh, well.

double pneumonia. diagnosed on Monday morning. poor guy!

Rad, Rad, Scantily Clad

2010-04-15T10:20:00.002-04:00

yup. he's just not regulated right now. I just want him to STOP STEALING OUR SHIT. is that so much to ask? ok.. ok.. STOP pissing in my trash cans, STOP staying up all night stalking everyone and STOP STEALING OUR SHIT.
Jenny's I Pod is still missing. Jackson had an I Pod until his friend at school filled it with porn movies for him. that I Pod has been mine since about december. I searched Jack's bedroom for Jenny's I Pod yesterday and found some of the Easter candy(the ones in the little metal easter cans? look at Easter 09's post to see what i make, i dont think i posted any pics this year) anyway, i thought the dog stole the candy, and he did steal some, but jack had the rest and he CRUSHED the cans so i couldnt re-use them. He didn't want the candy, really, just wanted to hurt ME. When he arrived home from school yesterday i searched his back pack. David's Nike shoes, David's studded belts, David's Red Sox hats......Jack saw no issue with this discovery. "it's not stealing"@@ . Jackson doesn't have a backpack anymore. I also put away some of his shoes and favorite t shirts. vindictive? maybe. immature? K. counter productive? sure.
BRING IT.

4 days already?

2010-04-12T17:35:00.003-04:00

since i updated? geeze, i'm headed every which way.

* Doug is still having a great time at pre *Band Camp Army training. he's seeing a counselor there and found that he is a CATASTOPHIZER. he's learning alot and calling me often, sharing his new tools for helping himself. he's SO up & down... hmmmmmm. but, he's up for now, which is good.
* Shawn came down with a nasty, gross sounding, gaggy cough 4 days ago. he slept too much, had sporadic diarreah and sporadic fever. NO appetite either. last night i knew I'd be taking him in today. double pneumonia! poor baby! he's already feeling perkier, after one dose of medicine. strong stuff! Doc Lammers listened to him 3 times before deciding that we could go home instead of the hospital. I'm taking him back for follow up on Friday. Ive never seen him so lethargic.
*I still made it to my mammogram on time, even with the last minute appointment with shawn, picking up his meds, calling the insurance company to ask them why I've had to pay full price for my last 2 prescriptions, totalling over $100. it was quick, easy and painless. Hopefully, Eddy, my breast lump, has dissappeared! i find out more next week.
* i still pretty much weigh what i weighed 3 solid weeks ago. changing up my diet a bit and adding some weigh lifting. BORING AS HELL. i hate every second of it. at my physical last week, my doctor & I set a goal of "somewhere in the 150's" so, im more than half way there!. did i mention that my cholesterol went from 211 to 193? GO ME!
* picture day at kendyls school on wednesday, shawn is going too. i think he will cooperate, he loves school. he starts there on july 6th, so only 3 more months. he cannot wait.
* i want to go watch the Boston marathon. trying to work it out.
* everything is going very well here. business is booming, 9 out of the 10 kids are behaving and helping out, no drama.... ahhhhhhhh.
* Jackson snagged his Dad's cell phone a few nights ago and was awake all night talking to chicks from his crib. parents called us next morning. Yogi's sister was surprised by an odd text sent in error.... drama, drama drama. lets just say our entire yard is free of dog poop now and leave it like that. i promise i wont put him on a plane and send him back to Haiti. screw the note! ROFL.
* hey Corey, im trying to work it out for the RAD DRAMA MAMA florida trip next spring. i promise i wont cuss(much).
shawns crying.. gotta fly. love you all!

* WAR

FAIL

2010-04-08T10:35:00.003-04:00

so... the night Korey & David went to get Doug's car, Korey's girlfriend wanted to go too. she was over at her Mother's house, so the 2 boys picked her up on their way out of town. David took Shawn's brand new car seat out of the back seat and threw it in the back of the SUV so Jessica could sit back there. Then, he tried to re-install it without help, had no clue how to do it, and blew it. nobody said a word to me. 2 days later I'm rounding a corner and shawn falls over. no lie. I AM SO MAD. The seat wasn't attached to the anchors at all. it was just sitting there. David feels bad, but doesn't understand the gravity of it. in an accident, Shawn would likely have been ejected. Not only that, I would have been convinced that the new Britax Frontier 85 seat failed, I never would have known it was operator error. Im still mad. Funny how I never heard that Jessica went with them. MEN.

lessons I've learned lately, by Ali-installment 4

2010-04-06T17:55:00.004-04:00

you can read installments 1,2 & 3 here.

1. Don't ever put a Milky Way bar into your go bag before visiting to a 105*F beach.

2. Some workout plans/fitness equipment look way more fun on the info-mercial.

3. Don't deliver candy to a neighbor who is mad at your dog.

4. Jellybeans aren't washable, by any means, ever.

5. airline attendants aren't as kind as they look. they also carry stun guns and are trained to use them, if neccessary.

6. "color safe" doesn't mean you should mix brand new reds with whites.

7. it's safer not to use orange oil on a railing that the kids like to slide down every day.

8. again, and worth repeating- cats aren't great swimmers. use caution.

9. typically, when you step out through a hotel room door, it locks.

10. in most cases, husbands don't enjoy April Fool's jokes that involve a missing passport or a malaria diagnosis.
11. never challenge a garage door opener. it'll win every time.
12. It's never a good idea to let toddlers play catch with a 10 lb. ball, atleast not in the bedroom.
13. diarreah isn't usually a one time event. take your time. relax your schedule a bit. cancel all un necessary engagements. trust me on this.

just a quick update, incase anybody cares(i dont LOL)

2010-04-06T10:01:00.003-04:00

late last night, Korey & David took my truck, the neighbor's trailer and some major cash and drove to the beach to bail Doug's car out of impound. it took us an hour to convince the impound cop that Doug was away with Army training and WE would be retrieving the car for him. we did all that before leaving, of course. the guy still called Doug, glad he had his phone. the boys kept in touch with me throughout.. ok.. until i fell asleep sitting up...and returned safely some time after 1am. the car is officially FOR SALE and he already has a buyer. GOOD BYE Toyota Celica GT race car thingy. its been real. Hats off!
4 weeks from today, Jenny & Konor will be packing, cleaning out Kristin's room, putting her things back in order and moving out. they havent found a place, nor have they saved more than 100$ total. I give up.
Doug is safely planted at Ft Devens and wrote me a very nice text last night, aplogizing for his attitude and reckless behavior, promising to change and even said "i forgot how much i love being in the Army". he NEEDS and thrives on the structured environment that the military offers(demands), but he forgets that fact once hes away for a while. i so wish i'd pushed him to go active Army, instead of enlisting with the national guard when he was barely 17. the part time thing just is NOT enough for him. he is so successful when he's with the Army long term, its been such an amazing transformation, yet... its so sporadic, atleast until *Band Camp. we just need to get through the next 4-4 1/2 mos. no car, no license, likely no job.... OY. as long as hes respectful & CALM, i can deal. we'll get through it.
not much going on today, im spending LOTS of time at the Y, my big physical is TOMORROW. we are doing Cobra for insurance, only 350$ a month because of some Obama thing. no idea. (instead of 1000$ a month!) also, our mortgage is down to $1300.00 a month-from $2500.00! the new mortgage company looked over our stuff and thats what they want, for atleast another 6 months. WE CAN BREATHE!!!!! im so psyched. long story.
its getting chaotic here, i betta fly. have a great day!
* WAR

EASTER

2010-04-05T07:28:00.002-04:00

As I said, we pretty much ignored the holiday. it costs too much and revolves around junk food. It's so commercialized. my parents surprised us with a visit after dinner, they brought a basket full of chocolate from The Kandy Kingdom! i ate one piece. she also brought eggs she had colored all by herself lol and jenny hid them all over the yard for the kids. they enjoyed it. im just not into holidays i guess. is that bad??? I plan to make eggs salad LOL
BEST. BALLGAME. EVER!!!!!!!!!!
i made chocolates for Easter though, as i always do, i give it all away to family and friends. Kody got into it overnight, boy can he climb! hes outside puking and pooping right now. dogs never learn! not sure how much he ate, dippy dog. he also ate the plastic bags and some paper easter grass@@. might be a very long day or 2.
Doug left for his 2 weeks away at 4:30 am. hoping for a quiet, settled, drama -free week.
hugs to all!

a shout out

2010-04-04T21:19:00.002-04:00

A shout out to JIM & NORMA, my new friends who i met on the plane to Costa Rica. They dragged you to another line at customs, i never got to say goodbye! i hope you found my blog, send me an email! Crazyali2001@aol.com. BE SAFE!

ch ch ch changes/opening day

2010-04-04T12:21:00.004-04:00

Uncle Tim left thismorning, for Texas. he's from Texas, hasn't visited in years, and has a love interest down there. So.. he went to hang out with his highschool classmate/hooch for a week. we have a storage room off of his bedroom, so i plan to do some organizing down there while hes gone, if I can make some time. there is always so much to accomplish here. I already managed to get in there thismorning, to dig out all shawn's 3t-4t summer clothes. there isnt much, and some of it is huge, i'll need to go to the thrift store this month.
doug leaves tomorrow for his final 2 week Army drill before ~~deployment~~ *band camp in aug./sept. yesterday, he was pulled over on his way to the beach with some friends, his license had just been revoked due to his prior 6 speeding/non inspection tickets. he was arrested. his friends bailed him out, he knew better than caling me, but now his car has been impounded an hour from here, we are not allowed to drive it home, the cop took the plates and it cannot be driven legally, by anyone. it will need to be towed. 125$ to take it if we went last night, another 50$ if we go get it today, another $50 if we go tomorrow. our neighbor has a tow dolly-whatever the hell that is.The place is open, i'm just not sure i feel like doing that today. I told doug that if WE go get it and pay the bill, he is selling the car. he already owes us a fortune for the work it needed to pass inspection, now he has no license to drive. hes going off to *band camp soon anyway, the car is going. the profit will pay us back, and keep doug afloat financially while he awaits departure. hard to keep a job out here in the sticks without a car. Konor is doing it though... doug is depressed, angry, volatile & a mess. i am so glad hes leaving tomorrow. want a better life? stop speeding. get a job. get rid of your bitchy, combative, critical, user of a girlfriend. stop getting in trouble with the car. pay your bills....... I GIVE UP.
the bunny didnt come this year. its all about junk food. it costs a fortune. jack got his bike, the littles will get their wooden swing set very soon. Happy Easter! ken mentioned that he didnt come, but didnt seem disturbed. i told her i asked him not to come, because we had too many stuffed animals and we are eating healthy :)
i am counting the minutes till the ball game tonight. Opening Day, especially when we open at home, at Fenway park, is WAY more important than any rabbit, in my humble opinion. so excited. we hired some great new players, have some awesome pitching, a new shortstop.... cant wait!
The Y is closed today, i am trying to figure out how to squeeze in a workout at home. blogging does NOT count!
Yogi & I went out to dinner last night. we tried not to talk about all the kids, but, of course, the thing with Doug had just happened. UGH. we still had fun, but we both felt so... defeated. what have we done wrong? where are the mistakes? what can we do? we think hes suicidal, at this point, and has been several times in the past. if he doesnt change, life will continue to suck for him. its that simple, and that complex. he likely will not earn his license back until after *band camp. hes going to go insane. atleast he will be in the structured, military environment for the next 2 weeks. Lots of PT, he will stay busy and hopefully, off his phone. But, i am concerned.
the weather is gorgeous, best opening day in years, we are grilling steaks later & just spending the day here, with just our 4 local kids and jenny & konor. mmmm, steak.
sorry this post was lame and boring. writing helps me think, focus, process....you'll thank me later lol
* WAR

my trip, other drivel

2010-04-03T10:27:00.009-04:00

it went too fast, but it was fun. Kristin looks great and is feeling pretty good now, following her waterfall/cliff mishap. i got lots of exercise, got to meet and have dinner with her fantastic host family, saw a cool volcano, took some long bus rides, saw the sights, went to the mountains where it was cool and comfortable, spent a few hours on the beach, burned slightly through TWO applications of 50SPF in two hours(what is it with blue eyed people?)bought some souveniers, i bought myself the most amazing, wooden wind chime with painted ghekkos alll over it. I can't wait to see it hanging over the new (small, just for 2 or 3 chairs to sit & watch the cars go by)deck we are building out front pretty soon. i took some great pictures, but not as many as i wanted. i got to know Kristin's boyfriend, "K3", better, especially since we flew home together. hes wonderful. even though i saw him lick a napkin and clean his shoes with it. ~~sicko~~. kinda weird. but.. all in all, a great young man. hes almost 24, loves cars like i do, works hard, is a good friend, is freaking gorgeous, a very little guy-but does NOT have Nepoleon Syndrome, great beard, curls....treats Kristin so well, affectionate, kind, very mellow(although his OCD/neat freak thing gets in the way.. the shoe thing LOL) i like him even more than i thought i would. i approve lol.

i didnt gain an ounce on my trip, even though my period is a week late and i should be up 5 lbs, so i'm thrilled. i havent lost much weight in the last few weeks, but the inches must be falling off because all the pants/capris that fit when i tried on summer clothes 5 weeks ago, ended up being HUGE during my trip! in 5 weeks i lost like... i couldnt tell you how many inches through my hips, thighs, butt.... crazy. im loving that tread climber. i dont run as much anymore. the TC works faster and better and im not in pain. i only run 3-4 times a week now. not sure what im going to do as the season goes on... playing it by ear. but running hurts, atleast at my weight. as my weight goes down, im hoping it will get easier. i think i already told you all this stuff, so i will shut up now.

everything here is fine. on the way home from the airport, Yogi told me we had a full house. i asked "how many?" he answered, "i cant count that high". HA! LOL i arrived home to 10 kids. it wasn't even the weekend! thank God business is booming. Last night we had a big, impromptu family meeting in the kitchen, some of the kids arrived late, it wasnt a scheduled thing. we talked about repairing cars in the driveway, smoking in front of the kids, pot smoking, adult language, public nudity, respecting boundaries and personal space... all the same stuff you probably talk to your kids about ROFLMAO! the chore chart thing is going great, i am so happy with that, but there are other issues and we are trying to be pro active and not get to the point where we(yogi LOL) are screaming our heads off. the meeting went well. we are hopeful.

jacksons Birthday (bribery) bike is really cool. hes at a basketball tounament in boston all day and didnt even want to go. just wants to go bike jumping. Yogi got very lost on the way, even though he knows the city, the address given was WRONG. union park is NOT the same as union avenue! the coach is a very unorganized person. also, the coach let the kids pick their uniforms and jack came home with a mens large! um.. its a basketball game, not a trip to the mall! we E mailed the guy and hes supposedly bringing a much smaller uniform to the game so jack can change. i told jackson off. Even Yogi & tim would both be swimming in a mens large! whatever. wheres the supervision? i was in costa rica. UGH.

ok, its 80* out, im going to go outside with the kiddos. love you all!

oh, yah. he digs me

2010-04-02T18:34:00.002-04:00

for eons, this blog was all about HIM. not the HIM in the sky but HIM, the RADilicious little charmer who fell into our lives 7 years ago and made us question every parenting decision we'd ever made and taught us so much about love & fear of love. In the last 6 mos. or so, the blog has morphed and evolved(and been downright neglected) as i became more physically active and Jack became less ... um.... ~~annoying~~spirited? Anyway, for those of you who only read my blog to get crappy parenting advice(you're welcome!), laugh at our mistakes or enjoy silly, "read aloud", bathroom stories, PULL UP A CHAIR and grab a tall one, because you're in luck. RAD Child is at it again. he kinda went insane in the days leading up to my trip to Costa Rica, and as of today, a full 10 days later, the hootinany, hogwash and hooliganisms continue. My son aims to please. The bed is suddenly wet every night again, he has stopped coming home on time, he's dragging his feet and not hustling on the basketball court 2 weeks in a row, hid a knife under his pillow, broke the weed wacker on purpose, is blowing off all his homework and has been flushing his ADHD meds down the crapper. overkill? maybe, but like i said, he's quite the over achiever. Now that I'm back home, safe & sound, I figured I'd handle his well documented fear of abandonment with flair.
I BOUGHT HIM A $400 BIKE.
Again, You're welcome.

forgot to tell y'all

2010-03-25T17:55:00.005-04:00

i know, i know. Y'all?? but i live with a Texan. i slip.

anyway, I forgot to tell you that kendyl plays soccer now! shes the tiniest kid on the team, i think that'll be a typical thing in her life, shes pretty short. she has her 4th soccer day on saturday, its an 8 week thing. she loves it!

no, really! you'll be able to EAT off the floors now!

2010-03-25T10:29:00.003-04:00

well, things may not go that swimmingly, but... we're gonna give it a try. the kids are on board, we shall see. i already feel a bit less pressure on me. now i can just point to the board. aaahhhhh.

FAMILY UPDATE

2010-03-23T13:34:00.007-04:00

a friend gave us a bigger trampoline. SO FUN! of course the kids now jump from one to the other. scary!

see? i dont look much different!

T-Dog

D-Dog

my Jenny

My Ken Ken

awwwwwwwwwwwww

ken, shawn & lexi

Brody, kissing kendyl goodbye, an hour before his mom called to tell me his strep throat test came back positive. mmmhhmm.

thats how he rolls

so cute!

kendyl's 2 bestest friends. lexi & brody. they are only 4 weeks apart! she weigh 35 lbs-he weighs 55 LOL
uncle tim brought the stupid donuts@@ i made all the kids eat them right away.

Yogi's reaction to the census lololol

the beautiful jack dempsey at my chiropractors office. i LOVE him.

*the census took me 45 minutes to fill out. time for an intervention! ROFLMAO!

* its sad when something as simple as a new .. ok...clean shower curtain liner impresses me so much. BLISS.

* Doug's new job at the diner? FIRED for texting. siigghhhhhhh. he has a new job at Friendly's, but he's not sure when he starts.

* Doug's car finally passed inspection yesterday. Doug's Birthday is in DECEMBER, so do the math. its been a long, frustrating 12 weeks and we've handed him a total of about $600 to get it to pass. Our tax return is slipping away, just like I knew it would.

* Yogi bought a Mac Book Air from my friend. i cant figure out the whole Macintosh way of life, but hes enjoying it. more money-gone. but its a business computer so it'll pay for itself, and we got a good deal on it.

* Kristin hadnt e mailed in a few days, i knew something was up. she finally had to fess up and tell me she JUMPED OFF A CLIFF, into a waterfall and "landed wrong". shes being evasive, holding back details and is generally scaring the crap out of me. shes used words like "paralyzed at first" , "writhing in pain" and "Im mobile now" (what were you before???) "my host family is nursing me back to health". i see from pics on Koob Face that she did take a trip this past weekend, and atleast wore the helmet required for doing the zipline, but im not sure if she participated or not. Her boyfriend (kenny-more K's)is on a flight to see her as we speak, and he has been instructed to text me IMMEDIATELY upon looking her over. i want to know she's truly ok. Their EMT friend Shaun is with him, and he will be giving her a full assessment, he says lol. i feel better now, but the fact that neither Kenny or Shaun even knew of this accident terrifies me. what is she hiding???? I leave to go see her on the 29th. i still need a swim suit that fits! i think i need a 13/14 WITH A SKIRT LOL

* The Princess And The Frog was a dissappointment. I wanted more.

* It's cold and pouring today. I took the little ones to Payless Shoe store for Shawn, he outgrew all his size 8's! and then out for Happy Meals. Now we are watching Red Box movies up in my bedroom on the nice TV i caved and bought last month-not sure if i mentioned it. i needed a place to be alone so i bought it, even though we said we'd never have TV in our bedroom. things change! We are hiding from the noise downstairs.

* Daddy works too much. We miss him. Business wont die down until July. Last night he was in his ~~office~~ corner of the basement, next to the dryer, lets keep it real LOL- until 11pm, after working all day out there. cant complain, but i will!

* Shawn just crashed out. ahhhhh. a break.

* im down about 46 lbs now. Im on lower body rest today, but may do something else.

* i need clothes SO BAD!!!!! im down to ONE pair of pants and theyre too short. i look stupid in them. gotta hit some thrift stores before i go south.

shoot i better go, movie is over. laundry is calling!

the only place i can say these things

2010-03-22T22:18:00.002-04:00

this week they are doing this big fund raising event at the YMCA i run at. one of those "break so & so out of jail" fund raisers. they clamour to get to you as you enter, remind you to pledge on your way out.. all the cardio equipment and lockers are adorned with these cutesy little messages written on little, red, cut out hearts-messages like, "did you know that if everyone donated yadda yadda amount, we could teach a child to swim/a child could attend camp/we could give a needy family a week of free daycare etc etc etc...
the whole thing annoys me. during my run this afternoon i really tried to sort out my feelings about the pushy fund raising and put a positive spin on it.. cuz it IS positive. It's just that my perspective is not where it should be or where it used to be or where the YMCA staff's hearts are. first of all, i pay $75 a month to run on a treadmill /tread climb/cycle 6-7 hours a week. so.....about 28-30 hours a month. that's $2.50 an hour. why should i "give" any more than that? secondly(and this is the "bigger picture") at this juncture in my personal life, I just don't feel all that sad that a kid may not get swimming lessons. I dont feel guilty that a kid may have to watch TV & bake cookies or plant flowers at grammy's house during school vacation week instead of attending a Y camp while mom goes to work. I dont lose sleep over the fact that a family in my town cant afford to attend the YMCA to swim or shoot hoops or lose weight. the money my husband and i are "giving" right now makes sure a child will get
ONE meal today.
ONE malaria shot.
ONE mosquito net to sleep under.
ONE tent to hide from the rain & hot sun.
ONE bottle of formula or water.
ONE item of clothing.
ONE diaper.
ONE bath.
ONE immunization
ONE dose of diarrhea prevention.
ONE chance at another day of life.
so, no. im not devastated by the fact that an American child may not go to camp or go to swimming lessons.
my perspective just isnt there. not today.

check it!

2010-03-15T16:36:00.004-04:00

and this was while holding my heavy SLR camera with zoom lens! GO ME!!!!! i started out at 240, on December 1st. week 16 began today.

OUCH

2010-03-12T20:48:00.002-05:00

ive spent the last 2- 3 weeks in pain. my lower back and my neck, mostly. i am TERRIFIED of the chiropractor, but when I finally hit rock bottom, i relent and make an appointment. I hit rock bottom squared. i hate the cracking sounds. i brought my I Pod and tried not to throw up in my mouth. i was ~~somewhat~~ successful! 2 visits later I am seriously on the mend and looking forward.
when youre in pain, you get sloppy. you get desperate. throw me a life ring! I hoped the kids would really jump in and help. some days are better tan others, but im still doing a lot. Yesterday i was so delerious I announced to all the kids(7 of them were in the room) that i was willing to pay 40$ CASH to whoever emptied, scrubbed out, organized/purged leftovers and re filled the refridgerator on the main floor. NOT.ONE.TAKER.
Nobody. All these kids are so in need of money but not one of them was motivated enough to do the job. i went to the chiropractor shortly after making the announcement, I had big dreams of coming home to a dramatic "reveal", like on While You Were Out, but it didn't happen. The house needs to be vacuumed, buckets and buckets of folded(by yours truly) laundry need to be carried from one floor to another, there isnt one clean towel in the bathroom, i finally scrubbed the bathtub myself, Yogi raked leaves & debris from the storm but then had to go to work, nobody has cleaned up the piles, there is so much to do and i cant do it all right now, neither can he, so......it can all wait. I know all these kids are typical, i know that if we want/need them to do something we need to ask, but i guess im just feeling overwhelmed tonight.
and, why is it that when i want to make plans, especially overnight plans, i run them by my husband and get his input, yet tonight all i got was " im going away next weekend" ???? a mere 7 days notice for a whole weekend away with his Primerica buddies? no input asked? i am PISSED WAY OFF. i'll get over it. then i'll go away for the weekend.

i know.. i know....

2010-03-10T15:10:00.003-05:00

03/05/10

i have a few(good) stalkers who are pissed WAY OFF that im not blogging. lemme explain!

i have SIX 19 year olds living here. SIX. long story, but they have nowhere else to go. im so damn busy. im only on here right now because im puking today. ya know, just for fun(the puking). ive got Doug back until september, jenny & konor until may, Corey lee is sleeping in my bay window or on the sectional most nights-lost his apartment along with Doug. then, doug & corey lee's girlfriends JUST WONT GO AWAY LOL, nah, i love them both. Doug is back with Kayleigh again(the prom pics girl) and corey and jessie are together for the moment. they are having a baby in August, so i hope they can work it out for real. jessie is so tiny and has this cute little Hollywood style baby bump. shes still so sick every day, i was the same way, so i feel very protective over her. she and corey are apartment/job hunting, it wont be long. Corey lee CLEANS. i dig him.
they all smoke, except for jessie. tim smokes too. I HATE IT. thats been the only issue. yah, they keep it outside, but right this minute the smoke is wafting in through the living room window i opened, this fever is making me hot and sweaty. HATE CIGS.

the N only works when it wants to on this keyboard. youre welcome!

so.. the 6 19 year olds, 14, 5 & 2.5. im half crazy. its like a frat house. the almost 21 year old returns in may.

we decided not to buy the new washer & dryer. the stuff we have will work for now, its not broken, just inefficient, so we want to save the money.

our yard is completely free of snow now, earliest we've seen the lawn in years. we ALWAYS have snow in march. ALL of March, most years. this is so weird, but welcomed. Its been warmish too.

Im looking forward to see Kristin on the 29th, but not thrilled about traveling or being in that kind of heat. im such a wuss and an un grateful bitch, pretty much. just keepin' it real.

I'm taking really good care of myself, still. week 15 began 2 days ago. i'm down 38 lbs, i gain a few, lose a few, gain one, lose 2, gain one, lose one...... been hovering at 200 for WEEKS ON END. gaining muscle, losing fat, getting PMS......yo yo ing. trying to ignore the scale. once i'm truly under 200, im hoping i wont be so tempted to look. my original goal was to see 199 for the first time since late 2006. im ALMOST THERE! aything else is gravy and heart healthy for me. i love running, climbing, cycling, the tread climber and the fitness ball workouts(the 8 lb). i run and/or cycle 6 days a week. im sad that the last 10lbs. has taken so very long to come off, and the current 5, even longer, but.. oh well. im NOT quitting! i have taken 2 outdoor runs so far, i hurt more afterwards, so im taking it very slow with that. the last thing i need is an injury or any excuses. Yogi & I drove around our area and clocked 5 different running routes(the pedometer i bought is SOOOO lame! cant count on it at all) so we have some different routes written down so if i dont show up when expected, he knows where to go looking. i may run outside tonight.

all the kids are well. kendyl LOVES her ew soccer team and school, shawn is talking up a storm, doug & Konor both found jobs, Jackson continues to amaze us with his new self. the one who has been kind, concerned, joyful, accountable, dependable, age appropriate, independent, funny, motivated and enjoying life. thismorning, as he walked out the door to the bus stop i said "love you!" he said "love you too, mom". i dont care if he meant it. i dont. he said it. I'll take it. he still teases Kendyl and hogs the shower, but in an age appropriate way. I adore him. hes loving this AAU basketball league and he is headed to the championship this weekend for the town rec. league too. he refuses to play baseball this year, just wants to concentrate o basketball, im sad about it, but im just gonna suck it up. his ball handling skills are INCREDIBLE, hes so fun to watch. last week, in a playoff game, his coach looked up at Yogi in the stands and said, "this is like You Tube stuff!" JOY.

Kris is still livin' it up in Costa Rica and knows it will be very hard to leave. sun, beach, fun host family, great friends, nice tan, great classes...... JOY. but she finds joy in everything. she claims shes gained some weight. SHE LIES LOL

Doug's state of mind is very positive right now, we are hopeful. he seems very very upbeat and positive. hes roofing with his daddy, which he loves, and working at a local, well established(not going anywhere)diner part time. with the snow melting so soon, Yogi is on his first roof as we speak. we had a huge wind storm and lost power, along with the entire town, 2 weeks ago. many a shingle blew away! work is pouring in. phone is rining. life is pretty good. I miss him though, we are hardly ever in the house at the same time anymore :(

we want to buy a car for some of the kids to share, mostly jenny & kristin, once she arrives home. we have $2500.00 and want an automatic, 4 door small-medium sized car, newer than an '01, that doesnt need a butt load of money put into it right away. think we can find one? more useful than the washer/dryer right now. cant do both, but did buy shawn alan a new carseat-his Britax Marathon is "expiring"(???)wish us luck with the car.

i better go. ive been sitting for hours. my stomach isnt churning anymore, so im gonna try some food...

sorry i've been so bad, but im really trying to be more active(when i'm not puking) and focus on my health. i have to... and i love it, im so addicted. i will try to update more often. but im just not addicted to blogging anymore.(sorry, Short Bus Mommy. i love you!)
oh- i really dont look ay different, to me, so i havent posted ay pictures..i look the same as i did at my dads retirement party, pretty much. if i start to change, i will post some!
hugs to all!

setbacks

2010-02-25T19:23:00.002-05:00

theyre part of life, right?
i woke up with a sore lower back yesterday, i ignored it, it got worse and worse, then i faced facts and started babying it, treating it with ice and drugging myself heavily. by the time dinner was ready i felt so much better, and went to the Y and biked a mile while i waited for a free treadmill(it was raining, school is out this week, place was packed) then ran 4 miles! i felt excellent the entire time. felt good afterwards, drove home, showered, slept great through the night and woke up feeling decent thismorning. at about 11am i was helping Kendyl clean her room, bent down to pick up a toy, went to straighten up and BAM! the pain was INSANE and i was sweating profusely. it took my 10 minutes to even get out of the bedroom and get down the stairs. what a day it has been! Jenny, Konor, Jackson & Tim helped me all day and then Yogi's sister showed up(shes in town til tomorrow) and she helped with dishes and kitchen duty. Yogi came home and helped after work. im so blessed. I'm mad that i cant run tonight, it messes up my schedule, but tomorrow i may feel fine, who knows? Tim made fish tonight, it was amazing! he also lent me some of his hefty pain killers :) im on the mend!

The teen drama continues, but its a long story that i just dont feel like telling. no arrests lol. well, not Doug anyway. Jenny is doing very well here, other than the reefer. Konor is job hunting. Jack is enjoying vacation. kendyl misses school but is enjoying some fun playdates. on sunday, Yogi took the kids to the boston children's museum while i went to the baby shower, they had a blast, he took a few pics, but most are blurry.. i may post a few. what a cool place!

we lose our insurance on march 1st. private ins. won't touch jackson with a 10 foot pole, so it could get ugly. My physical is april 7th, the bill will be outrageous. but im going! i want to see my cholesterol numbers again(211 2 years ago- i want lower) and i want to come to a realistic goal weight with him and get his input about my BMI, my fitness goals(he was a runner for eons, until he had surgery on both nakles) my progress.... i have a list LOL. but... maybe he'll take pity on my financial situation. that would help immensely. im still at the 36 lb. loss right now, i usually only lose weight 2 weeks out of each month... long story

for American Idol, so far, i like Aaron Kelly :)

shawn fell asleep at 5pm tonight, i hope he sleeps through!

jackson has only peed the bed TWO times since he started that drug 6 weeks ago. BLISS, beyond explanation. those 2 nights, he was up waaay too late.

pain killers make me boring. sorry.
oh- the reason Corinne(Yogi's sister) is in town is because an uncle died, the 2 hour ride to and from the services(in lancaster NH) made it feel like date :) the after funeral party and food was lots of fun. best.cheesecake.ever. Tim, Jenny & konor babysat the kids and took them to Chuck E Cheese !!! they had so much fun. it was a busy weekend with the museum on sunday and CEC on Monday, they were overtired that night!

ShawnAlan has decided that naps are over rated. ah, well. he goes to bed earlier-although not usually as early as he did tonight, and hes sleeping a bit later too, which has been heavenly. a non napping baby/baby who should be napping gets pretty ugly by dinnertime, but it sure frees up your schedule during the day. he still crashes out in the car, which can be inconvenient, and you feel bad waking them... but I like it. Kristin was my longest napper-age 5 LOL. she loved naps. still does!

My friend sue, who we call mer mer(memmay?) has heart disease, diabetes and now diagnosed with lukemia. im too mad to be sad right now. shes 65. her grandson Brody is Kendyl's best friend. i hope she can be treated and get better. damn cancer. pisses me off.

this pill is making my tummy kind of sick, i'm gonna close my eyes.

hugs to you all! thank you to my frequent commenters and readers, sorry ive been absent and lame lately, life is crazy and full of teen drama!

favorites from jay's baby shower

2010-02-23T19:35:00.004-05:00

jay.. the soldier who lived here, i went to his girl's baby shower on sunday and decided to pretend to be the professional photographer. it was fun! People (hardly anybody knew me) thought i was a hired pro and were approaching me to tell me what to shoot LOL. I told them I was a friend of the baby's Father, but some didnt believe me! it was a hoot. pretending was fun. here are my favorites. i love depth of field!

the pot song

2010-02-23T13:29:00.003-05:00

My niece likes to smoke reefer

My niece likes to smoke pot

My niece is gonna smoke it

Whether Auntie likes it, or not

She smokes weed in the morning

She smokes weed late at night

She smokes weed in the daytime

After she & Konor have a fight

She says that pot cures everything

She claims pot soothes her cramps

I say find a Midol

And take it like a champ

My niece claims weed is harmless

A cure for all that ails her

I think reefer masks her symptoms

I think reefer fails her

It covers up her feelings

It takes away her drive

It steals her motivation

Her Confidence

Her pride

It robs her of her of her spirit

It clouds her point of view

She says pot makes her happy

But I don't think that's true

I want so much to push her

To help her see her worth

But what can Auntie do?

She's not my child by birth(or adoption)

it aint easy...

2010-02-15T15:34:00.002-05:00

great day

2010-02-14T21:12:00.000-05:00

ken & my sister

shawn with my niece

weekly wrap up, kinda

2010-02-13T19:58:00.002-05:00

*Kourtney is out, my niece Jenny & her boyfriend Konor are in. Both of those names really start with C, but I like K's better and it's my blog. So there. They both need a place to stay, and Kristin won't be home until May, so it works. They're both great with the kids and Konor can carry very heavy things :) Jenny works at a department store, Konor is in the same boat as Doug. "looking".

* Uncuh's Birthday is tomorrow. All he wants is a cheesecake with apple brandy sauce. Yogi just finished making it. Looks fantastic!

* Valentine's Day is a bust, 2 (maybe 3) years running, same reason as always. I have pneumonia. I get it every February. I also have a sinus infection. Z pack to the rescue! Got it yesterday. The minute I got back from the Doctor, Shawn went downhill with his cold and told me his ear was hurting. I called the Doctor's office back and they told me to come right over. He has his first ear infection. It was a long afternoon, it got really painful realy quickly, but by the time he went to bed the ibuprofen was helping, so were the meds and he's been a bucket of fun ever since, and slept well.

* even though I've been sick for the better part of a month, I've kept up with my workouts and have now lost 34 lbs. in under 12 weeks. My doctor was so proud of me! taking 2 days off in a row has been tough, but I know I need to. Yogi grounded me to the house! the day before I finally went to the doctor I ran 4 miles and biked 7! But when i woke up yesterday morning I knew I had to go see the doc. I may have been over doing it, for a sick person anyway. Today I've had pizza and 3 oreos. Might as well go big or go home, being that I'm sick & all LOL I may try a quick run in the morning- I've still got one good lung.

* I spent what little free time I had left this week making Valentine chocolates for Kendy's school party, the nursing home my Mom volunteers at and some neighbors. Luckily, I don't really like the stuff so I don't sample while I work. I took a picture I think...came out cute.

* Dell sent me a brand new hard drive for this laptop, Konor installed it today. He's very computer savvy and figured out that we needed a new hard drive and that Dell may send us one, and they did! This particular model has had many issues, they gave us no trouble. I thought i bought this thing over a year ago, but, upon investigation, i realized it was only 7 mos. ago! Too bad I already spent 200$ to have a guy fix it, which didn't even work anyway! I'm hoping he will remove all my photos from the old hard drive, free of charge, since what he did to fix it didn't work. Think he'll do it? Seems fair to me!

* It is 97* in Costa Rica every day. Were you aware of that? 97. degrees. Ferenheit. K.

* Pitchers and catchers report to spring training this week, I'm just sayin' :) The equipment truck left Fenway yesterday. Spring is almost here!

* Jackson doesn't want to play baseball anymore. I am devastated. He doesn't care.

* Jackson made that traveling basketball team. The New England Raptors. He plays through July. Rec ball/town league ends next month. Until then he will be playing for 2 teams, plus an Allstar tournament for rec ball next month. This traveling team is demanding. $15 to try out, $160 to play, $30-40 per tournament, about 2 per month, all over the state. TONS of practice & conditioning, almost daily. It won't be easy, so I hate to whine about baseball. But I still will.

he's thrilled!

* Our tax refund will be decent this year. I may score a new washer & dryer! Ours aren't very old at all, but 120 minutes to dry a load??? geesh. What a pain. We know what we want, but just haven't been able to afford it. They'll pay for themselves in energy savings. Less water, detergent, time,(time is money!) electricity....We still owe my parents money, so they may score too. The rest, we will save for mortgage payments during lean times. Our mortgage is high for such a small place. New England...

* Did I mention I'm grounded? just checking...

* I am ready for winter to end. But 97????

* Still don't want to write about Haiti. All I can say is that when we watch the footage, we see our sons face in every.single. face and it's very hard to think of them suffering. Hungry. thirsty.homeless.afraid.desperate.in need of medication etc...many mistakes continue to be made. big groups *cough*UNICEF*cough* who think children should spend their entire life in an orphanage "in their own country" as opposed to being adopted into a loving family abroad, can go suck it. they know NOTHING. They sucked then(pre quake), & they suck now. Don't send them any of YOUR money. They think kids should stay institutionalized and grow up and *help their country* @@. Know any country leaders who grew up in an institution with NO family? Me neither. There is no one perfect answer. But their answer is just plain wrong. They even sucked Anderson Cooper into their web the other night. I can't even go there. I get too pissed off. If you want to read way more knowledgeable blogs about Haiti's situation, there are 3 blogs on my list where you can get the best information: Livesay haiti blog(missionaries in Haiti, went through the quake), rage against the minivan(Kristen Howerton, who went through the quake while visiting her Haitian son and the Livesays) & watching the waters (Corey waters, Mom to many Haitian children)will fill you in the best and show you where your money should be going, if you feel led to help. They say it better than I canand are good at that whole hyper link thing. Every dollar counts. 7$ can feed a kid, so please help.

* Yogi *didn't feel like* taking any photos at the Celtics game he took Jackson to last Sunday. nice. Why doesn't he know it's all about me???

*This wins for most boring post of the year, so far. You're Welcome!

sorry!

2010-02-09T09:10:00.002-05:00

i cant believe its been 11 days since i posted. Life has been busy and full of teen drama at times. I am running & biking every day now, I am down 32 lbs. as of thismorning. Another reason for my absense is that I just dont have much new stuff to blog about. i feel like its all redundant repeats. And Haiti? EVERYONE is blogging about the situation there. Anything I would write would feel plagoristic, pathetic, and big time debbie downer. i have so much i WANT to say, but I'm way too worried about other's opinions. My opinion may difffer from most. All the kids are fine, Doug is still on self destruct mode, but he has to run his own life, I cant involve myself anymore. he is resistant to any help or advice. Kris is having a blast in Costa Rica, check out her blog, to the right. I guess I'm just really taking some time for me now, getting away from the computer, getting off my rear end and getting myself together. lots of little things have happened, we had a retirement party for my Dad, my niece jennifer just moved in with us, appliances breaking left & right...lots of little things. right now i have a terrible sinus infection and am battling that through all my workouts UGH. i keep thinking im getting better, then i have a bad day again.
see? not much to say. i will try to keep up better this week! oh!-im also having major computer problems with 2 different laptops, which has also kept me from blogging. hoping to have the one computer fixed this week, he already fixed it, we went to pick it up, but it still doesnt work@@ so.. that too. have i mentioned our bad luck with pets & appliances?(the pets are ok, for now) i will post pics from dad's party as soon as the other laptop is fixed-i stupidly loaded them all into that one DUH.
hope you are all doing well. i am on facebook-alison l maker crawford. look me up!

the arctic

2010-01-29T12:22:00.003-05:00

yah, it's damn cold. 12* today OY. I'm supposed to be painting, remember? But then I realized the ceiling needed work first, so Yogi is over there preparing it today, i will start painting Monday and will likely be there all week. The weekend is too full with Jackson's all star basketball tournament and stuff...they won their first game last night 62 to 28! He looked amazing out there, scored 16 points.
Kris booked my tickets! I'm flying out of Boston at 630am(which means get up at like... 2!) on march 29th, come home the 1st of April-so 3 nights 4 days or so...It's HOT there, so that should be long enough. I'm excited!
Doug asked if he could move back in here until he leaves for whatever he's leaving for. i said ok. But I haven't heard from him in 2 days since, so I have no idea what is going on.
Bought some outdoor winter running clothes last night, let's see if I can get my nerve up to start getting used to the outdoor thing when it warms up on Wednesday... maybe. I bought a few things for indoors too- everything was too big! Yogi went shopping with me, just to be sweet. It was 8:30 pm by the time I decided I was motivated and felt like going and it was snowing lightly. we stopped in to TGIF for salads afterwards, so it turned into an actual date! I'm so lucky, he's got skeellz! How I landed such a hot, sweet, guy all those years ago, I have no idea. Maybe I'm the one with the skeellz! Anyway, I want to run a 10k in Detroit with a friend in May, so I have to get ready. I'm not so sure i can go from 4 miles to like......7 in that amount of time! I progress very very slowly. I am FAT, after all. We shall see.
It's cold in my kitchen. I hate that.
OK, I need to make like I work here... and, NO. I haven't taken any pictures lately.. not sure why. Winter is ugly to me, most days. I just don't see the beauty in it, for the most part. eh. I will take kid pictures soon though.